Isolation
by RiseofaRebellion
Summary: Nunnaly is dead and Lelouch is consumed by sorrow. How far will he go in order to see her again, and what will he lose in the process?/"Go on, take it. It's the same gun that you've used to kill so many. Shoot me already, Lelouch. Let's end this charade."
1. A Visit to the Hospital

A/N: okay, this is my second fanfic and i swear I'll do better with this one. I've read over and edited this chapter 3 times, so if you find any mistakes please let me know.

Now please enjoy the chapter! ^-^

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own code geass  
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_ Chapter 1: A Visit to the Hospital_

Nunnaly was born with a rare disease that caused her bones to be weak and fragile. As a result she'd been confined to a wheel chair for as long as she could remember. The older Nunnaly got the weaker she became. At the age of twelve she became so weak that she had to be hospitalized, where she had been for the past two years. Up until then she had attended Ashford with Lelouch. They'd lived in the club house since it would have been hard for her to get around in the dorms, but once she was hospitalized Lelouch had to move into a dorm. His roommate was Suzaku.

Regardless of her heart wrenching condition, Nunnaly's older brother, Lelouch, visited her regularly, sometimes skipping his least favorite class (gym) to see her, or to read on the roof, which she chided him for doing.

Nunnaly's doctor, Cecile, and her apprentice, Lloyd (1), had taken a liking to his well mannered attitude and devotion to his sister, and told him he was always welcome. He even occasionally brought the rest of the student council with him.

It was raining, dark clouds filled the sky and lighting flashed followed by a loud crash of thunder. The drops of rain repeatedly pelted the window and strong gusts of wind had branches scraping against the side of the building. Lelouch was at the hospital visiting Nunnaly, and after spending several hours talking and spending time with her, Lelouch was about to leave. It was getting late and he still had homework to do. He looked outside. _'It's raining harder that I thought,'_ he thought to himself, _'and it doesn't seem like it is going to let up any time soon'. _He picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder with a sigh, annoyed with himself for not bringing an umbrella. There had been sure signs of rain, but he'd ignored them, in too much of a hurry to visit Nunnaly to give them a second thought. A loud crash of thunder sounded throughout the room and Nunnaly jumped and grabbed at her brother's arm.

"Wait, Lelouch," Nunnaly said clutching his sleeve, "Can you stay for a little longer, just until I fall asleep?"

Lelouch smiled, "Of course," he replied sitting next to her on the crisp white sheets of the hospital bed she lay on. Nunnaly gave him a soft smile before closing her eyes. _'I don't know what I would do without you,'_ Lelouch thought as he unconsciously ran his fingers through her hair. When her breathing evened out and he was certain she was asleep. He bent and kissed her forehead, bidding her a whispered good-night, and picking up his things, he left.

On the train ride back to Ashford, Lelouch had a nagging feeling that something had, or was going to, happen to Nunnaly, but he brushed it off. _'I'm being paranoid,'_ he reasoned with himself as he stared contentedly out the window at the passing cars and people. _'I was just at the hospital. I watched her fall asleep.' _But try as he might, Lelouch couldn't ignore the feeling.

When Lelouch got back to Ashford, he entered his dorm only to find Suzaku sound asleep. He glanced at the clock. It was 11:30. With a sigh, he changed his clothes and lay down in his own bed. He'd attempted to get some sleep. He'd tossed and turned and fluffed his pillow, but none of it helped. That nagging feeling was still clawing at his mind, and he just couldn't ignore it. The sun was coming up when Lelouch finally closed his eyes to rest.

An hour or so later, the alarm clock rang, and though that was easy for Lelouch to ignore, he couldn't completely disregard the sunlight that was gleaming so brightly into his eyes from the opened shades next to his bed. Suzaku, who was sitting at the table across the room dressed and eating his breakfast, looked up when he noticed his friend stirring.

"Lelouch, get up or we'll be late again," he said. Lelouch groaned in response and pulled his blanket over his head. Suzaku sighed. Lelouch was never really a morning person.

"Fine," he said putting his empty plate in the dishwasher, "You can be late, but I'm not waiting up this time." He grabbed his book bag and left.

Lelouch peeked over the covers when he heard the door open and close. With a sigh Lelouch threw them off and stood. He sluggishly made his way over to his wardrobe and pulled out his uniform to change into.

By the time he was dressed and had eaten, Lelouch was half an hour late for his first class, which meant a detention. That also meant that he'd be late visiting Nunnaly, which made the detention even more troublesome. The visiting hours at the hospital were only for a limited amount of time, and though they made exceptions for him sometimes, a detention wouldn't exactly be an ideal excuse.

When Lelouch entered the classroom the teacher scolded him and, as expected, gave him a detention for half an hour after school. Other than that his day was quite normal. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. He'd skipped gym and read on the roof, as always. But Shirley had made sure that he attended all other classes and even personally escorted him to his detention.

"Lulu, you brought this on yourself, so you should be responsible for your actions," Shirley said when they reached the door to the detention room.

"Shirley, you know I have to go see Nunnaly. I have to make sure she's alright," Lelouch replied, that feeling still gnawing away at his conscience. Shirley gave him a pointed look and nodded towards the door. Lelouch sighed. It was no use arguing with her once she'd made a decision. He pushed open the door and entered. The teacher looked up from the stack of papers she was grading.

"Ah, there you are Mr. Lamperouge. Take your seat," she said before turning her attention back to her paperwork.

The time went by pretty slowly, and it hadn't helped that Lelouch glanced at the clock every several seconds as if that would speed up time. So he was relieved when the teacher finally looked up and said, "You can go know."

Lelouch hastily exited the room and made his way to the nearest train station. He didn't even stop to change his clothes. The sky was only a slightly cloudy, so he didn't think he'd need his umbrella. By the time he'd arrived at the hospital, it had already started to rain lightly.

When Lelouch entered the hospital building the familiar strong smell of medicine hit him and the bright lights practically blinded him since it was such a dark, dreary day outside. He took a second to adjust to the new light and approached the front desk.

"I'm here to visit Nunnaly Lamperouge," he said.

"Oh, of course Mr. Lamperouge. You may go ahead," the woman behind the desk replied offhandedly. "I trust you know where to locate her room."

"Yes," Lelouch replied having already started down one of the many stark white corridors. The only thing bringing them color of any sort were the small pictures and posters that were hung upon the otherwise bare walls. Lelouch's footsteps came to a halt when he finally found Nunnaly's room. It was on the third floor and far down the hall with many turns, but he knew the way by heart. He knocked on the door as he always did.

"Come in," said a soft voice from inside. Lelouch smiled, and opened the door. However his smile immediately turned into a frown at what he saw.

"N-Nunnaly…?"

**End note:** i hope you liked the chapter and will review. since my summer break is coming up I will try to update regularly, but i wont promise. suggestions are always welcome!

(1)- I just thought hat Lloyd was bit too insensitive to be a doctor, so I made Cecile the doctor and Lloyd her apprentice.


	2. Last Goodbye

A/N- thanks to my reviewers- _Yamiro, MithLuin, sakurahanaalice,and ddarkestangel_

_Now please enjoy the chapter! ^-^_  
_

Chapter 2: Last Good-bye

"N- Nunnaly…?" Lelouch was aghast. His sister was lying in her bed asleep wearing an oxygen mask and was attached to a huge machine. And though there were the reassuring beeps of the heart monitor, Lelouch was still very concerned.

"Nunnaly, what happened?"Lelouch whispered to himself. Her breathes came out rapid and shallow, fogging up the mask every time she exhaled. Lelouch took a deep breath to calm himself. He reached over to the side of her bed and clicked a button that signaled Dr. Cecile's pager. She was there in less than five minutes.

"Hello Mr. Lamperouge. Is there a problem?" she asked sweetly.

"Not at all. Let's talk in the hallway," Lelouch said opening the door for her and closing it after both of them had exited the room.

"What happened to Nunnaly? Why is she wearing that mask?" Lelouch asked.

With a sigh Dr. Cecile responded, "Last night Nunnaly had a heart attack. It was very nearly fatal, so we took emergency precautions. Fortunately Nunnaly has no recollection of what happened. All she knows is that I've asked her not to remove that mask, until further notice."

"What was the cause of the heart attack?" Lelouch asked. He was concerned to an extreme extent. This was, after all, Nunnaly they were talking about, and he didn't want her to be taken away from him. She was the only family he had left.

"Well as you know she's alarmingly weak already, and that's started to cause respiratory problems for her. Hence the violent heart attack last night. To put it simply, her body is becoming too weak to function on its own."

A look of worry clouded Lelouch's features. "How- How much time does she have left?" he asked clenching his hands so tightly that his fingernails bit into the palm of his hand, threatening to break skin.

"I don't know for sure, so I won't get your hopes up," she replied softly. "I suggest you spend time with her while you can."

Lelouch nodded. He turned and took a deep breath, wiping the look of concern and melancholy from his face. A small, but gentle smile that he'd reserved especially for Nunnaly taking its place before he reentered her room. By then she was awake.

"Hello Lelouch," Nunnaly said. "Were you just talking to Dr. Cecile?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't important. Don't worry about it, okay?" The news was disquieting, that Nunnaly might not survive much longer, but there was no need to have her concerned. Lelouch didn't want to burden her with anything else to worry about. She'd already been through a lot and he didn't want her fearing for her life. It could bring on a more violent heart attack, and he would lose her. Then what?

"Okay. So how was your day today, Lelouch?"

"It was fine, how about yours?" he replied still somewhat deep in his thoughts.

"I was bored all day. You took longer than usual to get here. Why is that?" she asked.

"I was, uh, held up by something," he said.

"You got in trouble again didn't you? What did you do?" Nunnaly said with a playful grin.

"You caught me," Lelouch said raising his hands in mock defeat. "I was late for class, so I got a detention for half an hour after school. Shirley made sure I went, so I didn't get a chance to let you know that I'd be late."

"Oh." From that point on their conversation went onto things stretching from school to jokes to how everyone else was doing. Lelouch always had a great time with Nunnaly, and he hoped she would be fine, or that the doctor had just made a mistake_. 'If not, then is there really nothing I can do? What will I do if I lose her?'_ he wondered to himself he was lost in his thoughts when the door opened and Lloyd entered.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Lamperouge," he said, "I'm afraid I must ask you to leave. I must administer Miss. Nunnaly her medicine now."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow, alright Nunnaly," Lelouch said, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

"Okay," she giggled waving as her brother exited the room_. 'Lloyd would make a great doctor. He may even surpass Cecile one day. Though, that would be weird. Cecile's always had that caring, motherly characteristic, while Lloyd seems as if he's not really concerned about anyone. That's why Cecile has to constantly remind him about manner and whatnot,'_ Lelouch pondered this on his way to the train station.

'"_How much time does she have left?" "I'm not sure so I won't get your hopes up."' _Those two sentences had ingrained themselves into Lelouch mind and kept repeating. They were all he could think about the whole train ride back to Ashford. He had let his mind wonder and came across that particular part of his conversation with Cecile. Now he couldn't stop worrying about Nunnaly and whether or not she would survive the night. He wanted to at least be there when and if she died. And though he knew he shouldn't think such negative thoughts, there was no way he could just ignore it. There were only two major possibilities, one- Nunnaly lives, or two- she dies sometime soon. And one of the possibilities outweighed the other because of her condition.

"_We have arrived in the Tokyo Settlement_," said a voice over the speaker. Lelouch gathered his things and got off the train. He then started his trek to Ashford. It took about twenty minutes for him to get there and an additional ten to get into his dorm.

"Lelouch, why do you look so worried? Did something happen to Nunnaly?" Suzaku asked when Lelouch entered their dorm.

"It's nothing don't worry about it," Lelouch replied waving it off.

Suzaku was a bit unsure if it was best to just leave him be. He had been Lelouch's best friend since kindergarten, so he could tell when something was bothering him. It was a bit easier for him to read Lelouch since they'd known each other so long.

"Come on Lelouch, tell me," he pried.

"Suzaku just drop it," Lelouch said, his tone a bit more stern.

"Okay, fine," Suzaku said turning his attention back to his chemistry homework. "Forget I mentioned it," he mumbled. Lelouch sighed and set to work on his homework assignments also.

After fifteen minutes of silence Suzaku turned to Lelouch to ask him a question only to find that Lelouch had fallen asleep leaning on his right hand with his mouth hanging slightly open. Suzaku sighed. '_I'll never get done with this homework, and it's already 10:56 P.M._,' he thought to himself taking a quick glance at the clock. Luckily chemistry was his last class, so he could finish the homework during lunch tomorrow. Suzaku packed his books back into his book bag and went to sleep.

The next day, Lelouch seemed disconnected. He didn't pay attention in class, but it wasn't because he was bored. It seemed that he was pondering something, and no one could get his attention off of his thoughts it no matter how many times they tapped him arm or shouted his name, he was completely absorbed in his own thoughts. The whole school day went by while he was caught up in a trance.

"Lelouch!" Milly shouted while repeatedly hitting him on the head with a roll of papers. After trying to wake him up for quite a while she still got no reaction.

"I think something's wrong with him," Shirley said worriedly.

"Here let me try," Suzaku said. He leaned in close to Lelouch's ear and shouted as loudly as he could,  
"LELOUCH!" said boy's eyes snapped open and he looked around in surprise "What?"

"Oh, I guess that did it," Milly said triumphantly. She then turned her attention over to Lelouch who had calmed down and was now glaring at Suzaku.

"Were you listening to me at all?" she said hitting on the head a bit harder that before. "You've just been staring off into space this whole meeting!"

"Meeting..?" he muttered. _'Oh yeah that's right. I remember Suzaku dragging me here saying that the Pres. would throw a fit if I didn't attend, but what about the rest of school. Have I really been here all day?' _He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he hardly remembered leaving his dorm that morning.

"Lelouch what's up with you? You've been this way since you got back from your visit to Nunnaly last night. Disconnected and irritable," Suzaku said.

"I'm sorry guys, but I've got a lot weighing on my mind right now. I'll see you later," Lelouch muttered gathering up his things and leaving.

"How much do you want to bet that he went to see Nunnaly?" Rivalz said.

"I think we should leave him alone for now," said Suzaku,"He's never acted like this before, so whatever it is that's weighing so heavily on his mind must be very important. We should give him some space." _'He had a particular look in his eyes. And though he covered it up and the others didn't notice, I did. I've known Lelouch longer than they have and he can't hide much from me. That look was concern. Something's wrong with Nunnaly, I just know it._' Suzaku thought.

Lelouch entered the hospital and went straight to Nunnaly's room. When he opened the door Nunnaly lay on her bed. Eyes squeezed shut and sweating. Light purple bags colored the skin under her eyes as if she were sick. She still had the oxygen mask on, but her breathing was seemed labored. He immediately went to her side.

"Nunnaly, are you okay?" Lelouch asked, concern lacing every word. Nunnaly opened her eyes slightly.

"Lelouch? Is that you? I'm so glad you came," she said her voice even sounded weak. Then she went into a violent coughing fit that lasted a few minutes. Her hand came away bloody.

"Lelouch look, I think something's wrong," she showed him her hand he looked horrified. Nunnaly seemed completely nonchalant about it. "I don't know how that happened. I don't feel sick or anything, I wonder why-." She started coughing again and Lelouch frantically reach over and repeatedly jabbed the button that signaled Dr. Cecile's pager.

"I'm sleepy," Nunnaly said closing her eyes.

"No, wait! Don't go to sleep, wait until Dr. Cecile comes," Lelouch said calmly whileshaking her shoulders gently. He may have seemed calm, but on the inside he was terrified.

"Okay, I'll try," she said sitting up, her eyes still half lidded. When Dr. Cecile arrived she examined Nunnaly.

"Oh, my," she said.

"What is it? Can you help her?" Lelouch said frantically.

"I can try," she said while paging Lloyd, "but I can't promise she'll be okay. And even if she does survive her condition will only get worse."

Once Lloyd arrived, Lelouch was ushered out of the room. He sat in a chair outside of the room and waited for them to call him back in. The only thing that kept him from losing his calm demeanor was the possibility that Nunnaly might live through this.

After half an hour of anxiously waiting, Cecile beckoned him into the room. She took off her bloody gloves and shook her head.

"There was nothing we could do. She's on life support now, so you can speak with her one more time if you want. I'm sorry," she said. Lelouch nodded, tears threatening to spill. He sat on the stool beside Nunnaly's bed.

"Let's give him some privacy," Cecile said leading Lloyd out of the room.

"Lelouch? " Nunnaly said, looking up at him.

"Hey Nunnaly, how do you feel?" he asked.

"Tired, what happened?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it. You're here for the moment and that's all that matters," Lelouch said mumbling the last part more to himself than to Nunnaly.

"Lelouch, why won't you tell me the truth? You've been acting weird lately, and that's not like you. It's almost as if you're too busy to even be concerned with anything else."

"I'm sorry Nunnaly; I didn't mean to ignore you. It's just that-" he broke off and sighed. "It's just that I've had a lot to think about lately."

Nunnaly looked up and met Lelouch's stare his eyes were swimming with tears, but he refused to let them fall. "Will I be okay?" she asked.

"I'm afraid not," he said, a single tear escaping. Nunnaly reached up and wiped it away.

"It's okay, Lelouch. You'll be fine without me," she said with a sad smile.

"No it's not okay, Nunnaly," he whispered to himself.

"Lelouch I'm really tired," Nunnaly said as her eyes slowly closed.

"go ahead and take a nap then, " Lelouch said. He grabbed onto his sisters hands and leaned in to her hug her. She returned the embrace, albeit weakly.

"I love you Nunnaly," Lelouch said as several more tears cascaded down his cheek.

"I love you, too," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. Then the loud beep of the heart monitor filled the room, reverberating off the walls and Nunnaly went limp in his arms. A few more tears escaped before he gently place his beloved little sister onto the bed and stood.

"It was nice to talk to you one more time, but I truly don't know what I'll do without you," he said before exiting the room.  
_

End note- i went through a really rough spot at the end.i hope you liked it though.

Review Please!


	3. Concern For a Friend

**A/N**- thanks to my awesome reviewers- _Yamiro, sakurahanaalice, Heartache14, and ToshiroFan1!_

_if there are any grammar mistakes please let me know and I'll fix them ASAP. I'm not perfect and i don't have a beta. i reposted this story just for some minor adjustments. nothing big.  
_

Now please enjoy the chapter!  
_

Chapter 3- Concern For a Friend

It had started raining sometime during Lelouch's visit to Nunnaly. Now, as he got off the train and started his usual trek towards Ashford, the rain started coming down in torrents, completely drenching him. He didn't mind though, the dark, dreary night matched his mood. He was too busy pondering over whether or not to tell his friends the horrid news of Nunnaly's death to think of his surroundings or what he himself was doing, anyway. _'If I tell them it'll only make things harder for me. I don't want their pity, or for them to be sad either for that matter. But then again, if I don't then they'll bother me about going to see her, and knowing Milly she'd go without me and find out on her own. Then she'd tell everyone else,' _he thought with a sigh. Either way they'd find out, whether he told them or not,'_ I'll wait a few days, and then I'll tell them,"_ he decided.

** -XXX-**

"Lelouch, are you okay?" Suzaku asked when said boy entered the room. He was drenched from the rain, his clothes dripping puddles onto the once dry tile floor. His expression was one of despair, but it was immediately replaced with indifference when his eyes met Suzaku's. he could tell by his tear stained cheeks and red, puffy eyes that he'd been crying, but he didn't say anything about it. lelouch was a prideful person and didn't like it when he showed his weak side, but he was only human and couldn't remain stoic forever.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Lelouch replied.

"You just looked kind of down," Suzaku said. '_He's definitely hiding something,'_ he thought. "How was your visit to the hospital? Was Nunnaly alright?" he saw Lelouch visibly wince and knew he'd hit a sore spot, but Lelouch quickly regained his composure. _'Oops.' _Suzaku thought.

"She was fine." Lelouch replied, though there was a hint of melancholy in his tone.

"Can I come with you when you see her tomorrow?" Suzaku asked.

"No."

Suzaku frowned at this. Lelouch hardly ever refused someone when they wanted to visit Nunnaly with him. "Why not?"

"Because I won't be going to see her tomorrow."

Suzaku almost choked on the water he was drinking. He had never heard those words come out of Lelouch's mouth, ever! He'd have visited his beloved sister even during a tsunami.

"Why not?"

"She's having surgery," Lelouch lied. '_He's lying_,' Suzaku thought,_' the doctors told us before that_ _they weren't sure if surgery would work and Lelouch told them he didn't want to take the risk.'_

"Oh. Well what about the day after?"

"She can't have visitors for a while after that." Another lie.

"I see, well let me know when you see her again, okay?"

"Sure," Lelouch said. He then went into the bathroom to take a shower because he was still sopping wet, and he didn't want to catch a cold. Suzaku heard the shower turn on and sighed. He had to figure out some subtle way to get Lelouch to tell him what was wrong.

** -XXX-**

Lelouch turned the handle in the shower and steaming hot water poured from the shower head. He stepped in and stood under the stream of water, embracing the warmth that the hot water brought him. He sighed. _'It's not fair,'_ he thought angrily_, 'everyone I care about is always taken away from me! Now I have no one.'_ It was true. His mother had been murdered about ten years ago, and his father had disowned them a few years after. Now Nunnaly was dead, and he was truly alone. "Nunnaly," he muttered to himself. He pounded the wall with his fist as a few tears made their way down his cheek, mixing with the water along the way. There was a knock at the door.

"Lelouch are you okay?" Suzaku shouted so he could be heard above the water. There was a soft squeal as Lelouch turned the handle and the water died down until it was completely off.

Lelouch cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute," he replied, but his voice was heavy as if he'd been crying. Suzaku was at a loss. He knew that if he confronted Lelouch and asked him what was wrong that it would only anger him and he would avoid every question because even if Suzaku was trying to help him, Lelouch was never one to openly display his emotions. He often hid his them behind a mask of indifference, but sometimes his mask slipped and you got a glimpse of how he really felt. Suzaku decided that telling Milly was out of the question because she could be a bit blunt and straightforward sometimes, even though she usually meant well, but then again if he let him be then Lelouch would have to bear the burden alone and he would soon crumble under the weight of it and do something irrational, especially if it was enough to have him crying, or at least that's what Suzaku thought he'd been doing from the sound of his voice. No, this problem had to be solved soon and with subtlety. Before the burden became too much.

And that's how, ten minutes later when Lelouch was fully clothed in his plaid pajamas, he and Suzaku sat across from each other at the table. Lelouch looked really annoyed and Suzaku looked concerned and frustrated. All thoughts of subtlety were disregarded or forgotten.

"Lelouch why won't you tell me what's wrong?" Suzaku asked.

"Because I told you before, nothing's wrong. The only thing that's bothering me right now is you!" Lelouch shouted.

"I'm just trying to help, Lelouch. I may not know what's wrong, but I know when something's bothering you," Suzaku said insistently.

"Suzaku, nothing is wrong. And even if there was you'd only be making it worse," Lelouch said sternly.

"It's Nunnaly, isn't it?" Suzaku said accusingly, "You've been acting different ever since you came home from visiting her yesterday." His tone showed that he was suspicious. Lelouch visibly flinched at the mention of his sister's name. He sighed, but didn't respond. The legs of the chair he'd been sitting on scraped the floor as he stood and walked out the room, effectively slamming the door on his way out. _'Where is he gonna go at 9:30 P.M. in his pajamas when it's storming.'_ Suzaku thought with a huff. To him, Lelouch was just being difficult, but he'd actually left to avoid losing the last of the control he had over himself right then and there and just blurting out everything that happened. He needed to tell someone if only so he could share the burden, but he felt it wasn't time to tell Suzaku or anyone, yet. He felt that it was his burden to bear, and his alone. Pity was not on the list of things he wanted at the moment either. Right now he just wanted to be left alone to think.

-**XXX-**

The rain pelted the black umbrella that Lelouch carried as he took a short walk around the campus to calm himself. He knew Suzaku meant well and was trying to help him, but every time Nunnaly's name was mentioned it tore away at his heart. He remembered Nunnaly saying that he'd be okay without her, and he just hadn't been able to bring himself to tell her how far from the truth that was. He was far from okay.

After an hour or so of wondering the campus in the rain, Lelouch went back to the boys' dormitory building and quietly slipped into his dorm. He found Suzaku sound asleep, and as soon as he laid down he was overtaken by fatigue. He was soon also fast asleep.

** -XXX-**

The next day, Suzaku woke up to find that Lelouch had returned sometime the night before and was soundly asleep in his bed. It was Friday, and Milly had called for another student council meeting after school so they could sort out the budget. He took another quick glance at Lelouch and pondered over whether or not to wake him up. He seemed almost serene when he was asleep, and Suzaku didn't want to interrupt him, especially since Lelouch wasn't exactly a morning person. So he set their alarm clock for five minutes later and put the volume on high. Then he showered, dressed for school, ate breakfast, and left. The alarm had gone off while he was in the shower, but Lelouch had yet to get out of bed, so Suzaku left him there to sleep, thinking that maybe Lelouch had contracted a cold from going out in the rain last night.

** -XXX-**

Lelouch never showed up for school that day. Suzaku had gone through the whole day trying to convince himself that Lelouch was just sick, but he knew that wasn't true. So when he was at the student council meeting he wasn't very surprised when Milly turned to him to know Lelouch's whereabouts.

"As far as I know, Lelouch never left our dorm," he replied.

"Well go see if he's there," Milly said, "We need him to do his share of paperwork."

"Alright" Suzaku muttered with a sigh as he left the room to head for his and Lelouch's dorm.

** -XXX-**

"Lelouch?" Suzaku called out upon entering his dorm. "Lelouch?" He listened for a second and thought he heard a sound akin to crying, but chose to ignore it. He instead focused on whether or not he heard a reply, but as he walked further into his dorm the sobbing sound got louder until he was standing outside of the bathroom door.

"Nunnaly." The voice was barely above a whisper. Suzaku held his breath when he heard that name and waited for Lelouch to elaborate, but then the sobbing continued. It had to be Lelouch. Suzaku knocked on the door.

"Lelouch?" The crying abruptly stopped and he heard Lelouch take a deep, shuddering breath as if he were trying to compose himself, but there was no reply.

"I'm going to open the door, okay?" Suzaku listened for a reply, but instead heard the lock click into place. He tried the door knob on to find that it was, unsurprisingly, locked. He sighed. "Lelouch, open the door." No response_. 'There's a key around here somewhere,' _he thought as he began shuffling through drawers. Ten minutes later with the key finally found, Suzaku opened the door. He looked around and at first he didn't see anyone. It took him a minute to notice the figure huddled in the corner. It took another second for him to realize that it was Lelouch huddled in the corner with his arms encircled around his drawn up knees and his head angled downward just enough to prevent anyone from seeing his expression.

"Lelouch?"  
_

End note- ugh. this chapter was pretty hard to write and i found it a bit redundant. i hope you enjoyed it tho. PLEASE REVIEW!


	4. The Truth About Nunnaly

_** A/N-** I'm soooo sorry that it took me so long to get this chapter up. i rewrote it twice and i'm still not sure about some parts._

_ Thanks you for reviewing for the previous chapter: Ledilettant, Maca-kun, Yamiro, ddarkestangel, CheesetoMacaroni, sakurahanaalic, nymphik13, LuluXShirley, and ToshiroFan1!_

_Now please enjoy the chapter! ^-^__  
__

Chapter 4 _Remake_: The Truth About Nunnaly

"Lelouch?" Suzaku's brow creased and he frowned in confusion at the sight before him. Lelouch was huddled in the corner of the bathroom with his legs drawn up against his chest and his head cradled in his arms, which he had placed upon his knees. He was taking deep ragged breaths. His hair was unkempt as if he'd just woken up, and he was still in his pajamas.

"Lelouch." Suzaku took a cautious step towards him. Lelouch made no move to get away. He took small, light steps until he was beside him, then he reached out and tentatively touched his arm. Lelouch flinched, as if he'd been struck and buried his head deeper into his arms. Suzaku pulled back and stared at him. He didn't know what to do. He thought about just leaving him be, but decided against that right away. He knew that Lelouch was in no condition to talk to him, but he didn't want to leave him alone either, so he took a seat beside his childhood best friend and waited for him to calm down enough that he'd talk to him.

After a while of just sitting there, Suzaku remembered the reason he'd come up in the first place was to retrieve Lelouch for Milly. He stood and left the bathroom so he could call her and let her know that Lelouch wouldn't be attending the meeting today. He dialed the number and waited for her to pick up.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hey, Milly, Lelouch isn't feeling well right now, so he won't be coming to the meeting today," he hesitated, "I think I'll stay here for a while and keep him company until he feels a bit better."

"Okay," Milly said, "Let me know how he feels later, bye."

"Bye." He closed the phone and returned to the bathroom. Lelouch had not changed positions. He was still hiding his face within the confines of his arms. Suzaku sighed and sat back down beside him, leaning heavily against the wall. He wondered absentmindedly why Lelouch had been acting so weird. '_It all started yesterday when he'd come home from his visit to Nunnaly. He lied about the surgery. I was there, and so was the rest of the student council, when Lelouch first visited Nunnaly. He'd talked to the doctors about her condition. They had suggested a surgery, but Lelouch had outright refused them because he didn't want to take the risk. So, what could it be? Is something wrong with Nunnaly?' _Suzaku wondered.

Lelouch shifted. He head was no longer buried in his arms, but he was facing the other way. Suzaku glanced at Lelouch, and felt a bit sorry for him. Even though he wasn't exactly sure about what his problem was, he felt that Lelouch was going through something that was really painful for him. _'Come to think of it, there was only one other time when Lelouch acted like this,_' Suzaku thought_, ' It was when he had to stay at the Kururugi Shrine after his mother was murdered. __He'd locked himself in his room for days and refused to talk to anyone or eat or drink anything except water to sustain himself.__ His father had dropped them off to spend the day there and didn't come back, and when he _did _come back for them, summer was over and he had a new wife, new children, and a new house. Lelouch had accumulated a deep hatred for his father and he's held onto it since then. He blames his father for his mother's death . Not long after that their father disowned them. He said he didn't have time for ungrateful nuisances that were only a reminder of his old life. That was when the Ashfords took them in. They paid for all of Nunnaly's medical expenses and treated them like they were family, which was more than they could say about their father. I remember when Lelouch told me all of this. It was about two or three years later. We were both attending Ashford at the time. My father was dead, so I stayed in the dorms. I had actually envied him a bit. Even though he had gone through just as many hardships as I had, he still had one family member that was there for him, to love him. I was, and still am, completely alone.' _Suzaku looked up, shaking himself from his thoughts, and glanced at Lelouch again to see how he was doing.

"Lelouch?" No response. Not that one was expected. Lelouch had practically fallen over. His hair covered his eyes messily and his jaw was slack. Suzaku chuckled when he realized that Lelouch had fallen asleep, and he wondered if he should put Lelouch in his bed or to shake him awake. He decided to go with the former. He picked him up, and carried him to his bed, setting him down carefully and covering him with the blanket. He looked at his friend's sleeping form and frowned slightly.

"Lelouch…Why won't you let us help you?" he wondered aloud. Lelouch shifted in his bed and muttered something. Suzaku hadn't caught it, but thought it sounded vaguely like he was calling out to Nunnaly.

**-XXX-**

"_Lelouch! Guess what? The doctor said I'm getting better," Nunnaly said excitedly upon his entering her hospital room. Lelouch smiled warmly and took a seat on the stool beside the bed._

"_Is that so?" She nodded vigorously. _

"_Maybe, one day, I can come back home and everything can be just like before," she said._

"_Let's hope so," he replied. However, he knew that she would never get better, but for her sake and his own he pretended that she would._

_Suddenly her eyes got dark and she started to look sickly, but she didn't seem to notice and continued to talk animatedly._

"_I might be able to come live with you again within the next few months," she smiled hopefully pausing to cough harshly into her hand. It was now covered in her blood. She didn't seem to notice that either as she reached for Lelouch's hand. He looked terrified, but let her take it so as not to alarm her._

"_Wouldn't that be great, Lelouch?" Her eyes were starting to close, and her voice was rapidly declining in volume. "Just like…old…times." She whispered. Her eyes slipped shut and her hand dropped away from Lelouch's. She wasn't breathing._

Lelouch sat up and looked around groggily_. 'A dream? '_ he thought glancing at his alarm clock. _'That's right, Nunnaly's gone now.' _It was 10 o'clock PM. He saw Suzaku sitting on the couch flipping through his calculus book looking confused. Lelouch figured he was stuck on an equation. Math wasn't Suzaku's strong point. Lelouch ran a hand through his tousled hair. With a sigh he pushed himself out of bed_. 'A cup of tea should help me get back to sleep,'_ he thought making his way to the kitchen.

He went through the cabinets looking for the tea kettle and when he finally found it and tugged it out from underneath the other kitchen ware that was on top of it, an avalanche of pots and pans fell and clattered to the ground loudly. Suzaku jumped and looked in the direction the sound had come from. Lelouch was standing amidst a pile of pots and pans. Suzaku got up and went to help him put them back into the cabinet.

"What are you doing?" Suzaku asked with a chuckle as he knelt down to help clean up the mess of pots and pans that had scattered across the floor.

"I was going to make some tea," Lelouch replied with a huff, "but these fell out when I pulled out the kettle." He shoved a pan back into a cabinet with a bit more force than necessary.

They cleaned up the rest of the mess in a comfortable silence. Lelouch didn't bring up anything about earlier. Suzaku guessed that he either didn't remember or didn't want to talk about it, but Suzaku wanted to know why he was acting so strangely. Once the mess was cleaned up, Lelouch stood and stretched.

"Do you want some tea?" he asked Suzaku. His back was to him while he filled the kettle with water and turned on the stove. Then he shuffled through another cabinet and found two cups to put the tea in when it was ready. While they waited, Lelouch helped Suzaku on the equation he'd been having trouble with earlier. By the time Lelouch had walked him through all the steps and helped him solve it, the tea kettle had gone off and was whistling in a high pitched shrill. Lelouch got up and turned it off then he poured the tea.

"Thanks," Suzaku said when Lelouch put his cup of tea in front of him.

"You're welcome."

"Hey, Lelouch?"

"Yeah?"

"What was that about earlier?" Lelouch froze his cup halfway to his lips. He set it back down and looked away; almost embarrassed by the fact that Suzaku had seen him so vulnerable. Suzaku waited patiently for his response. Lelouch sighed. He wanted to stall for time while he sorted out his thoughts, but he figured that now was as good a time as ever to tell him about Nunnaly's death. He also wanted someone else to break the news to the others. He figured that if he told anyone first it ought to be Suzaku. He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh.

"It's Nunnaly."

"What about her? Did something happen?" Suzaku asked worriedly

"She…she's dead," Lelouch muttered. Suzaku sat there stunned. Even though he'd known that the reason for Lelouch's behavior had to do with Nunnaly, he was a bit shocked that it was something so intense. Lelouch pretended to be nonchalant about it, but Suzaku knew that it had devastated him, especially by the way he acted earlier.

"How did it happen?" Suzaku asked.

"it was basically heart failure," Lelouch muttered quietly.

"Lelouch, I'm so sor-," Suzaku began, but Lelouch cut him off.

"No, don't be," he said, "I shouldn't have told you in the first place."

"But-"

"Suzaku, just drop it" Lelouch said sternly. Suzaku sighed and drained the rest of his tea.

**-XXX-**

The next morning Suzaku awoke to find Lelouch lying on the couch concentrating deeply on the book he was reading. He didn't disturb him and thought that maybe Lelouch was reading to keep himself occupied and his thoughts from wondering to Nunnaly.

"Suzaku, I want you to tell the others about Nunnaly," Lelouch said not looking up from his book.

"What? Why? Shouldn't you do it?"

"No, I want you to do it," Lelouch said stubbornly. Suzaku sighed and nodded.

"Fine. When?" Lelouch shrugged. He picked up his book and resumed reading while Suzaku pondered how and when to tell the rest of the student council the bad news.

**-XXX-**

On Monday, Lelouch didn't attend school. His friends thought that it was his regular ditching.

On Tuesday, when he still didn't come to school, Shirley suggested that he was probably out gambling, but Rivalz pointed out that Lelouch couldn't go anywhere without him since he had the keys to his motorcycle.

On Wednesday, Lelouch still didn't attend school. This worried his friends. They couldn't think of any reason for his absences since Rivalz was also there. Everyone with the exception of Suzaku was worried. Suzaku wasn't worried since he saw Lelouch everyday regardless and also since he knew the reason for Lelouch's absences. He just hadn't found the right moment to tell the rest of the student council.

"Hey, Suzaku," Shirley said.

"Yeah?" he said.

"How's Lulu been?"

"Huh?"

"You see him everyday, so is he alright?" Milly asked.

"Um…well I guess you could say that, but he's not sick. He's not in any condition to come to the meeting either," Suzaku added before Milly could complain about Lelouch being lazy. "He's just...um…," he trailed off.

"What's wrong with him?" Shirley asked.

"It's Nunnaly."

"What's happened?" Shirley and Milly asked in unison.

"She's dead," Suzaku muttered.

"What?" Rivalz asked. His attention now focused on their conversation. Kallen and C.C were also listening closely now.

"How?" Shirley asked, her voice wavering slightly as tears started to flow.

"Lelouch said it was heart failure." Shirley started to cry. Milly tried to comfort her, but tears started to form in her eyes also. Rivalz and Kallen was shocked, even C.C seemed a bit sad. The atmosphere of the room dropped from its usual happiness to a choking sadness.

"Poor Lelouch," Milly said sadly, " he's had to cope with this on his own this time." The others nodded. She wiped away her tears and headed for the door.

"I'm going to do something about this," she said leaving the room. The others got up and followed her.  
**_ **

**End Not**e- i hope you enjoyed the chapter! PLEASE REVIEW! i'm not sure when the next chapter will be out, sorry. suggestions and constructive criticism are always welcome.


	5. Back to School

**A/N**- **I'm soo sorry it took me so long to update. there are a number of reasons i didn't do it earlier. i had writer's block, but for the most part it was lack of inspiration and laziness.**

** I would like to thank the people who reviewed for my previous chapters: **_ToshiroFan1, sakurahanaalice, Ledilettant, CheesetoMacaroni, ddarkestangel, and nymphik13._

**_ Now please enjoy the chapter! ^-^_**

* * *

_Chapter 5:Back to School_

"Milly, wait!" Suzaku yelled.

"What?" she asked.

"Lelouch doesn't want to see anyone," Suzaku stated. "He told me he just wants to be left alone for now."

"Well, then what do you suggest we do?" Milly said putting her hands on her hips

"Nothing. We do as he wishes and leave him alone," Suzaku responded.

"I just found out that the younger sister of one of my closest friends has died, and you don't want me to do anything?" she asked in disbelief. "You have no idea how he must feel right now! Lelouch has been through a lot and he's just lost the most important person in his life!"

"Milly, calm down," Suzaku said. She glared at him, something that she didn't do very often, and it sent a chill up his spine. Her glare was almost as intimidating as Lelouch's.

"Don't tell me to calm down. Never say that to me ever again," Milly said, her tone implying that she meant what she said.

"Okay fine. All I'm saying is that we shouldn't bother him right now."

"Don't tell me what to do," she retorted as she started to walk away.

"Stop this Milly!" Suzaku shouted angrily. She stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. "Stop acting like you know how it feels to be alone because you don't. You wouldn't know how it feels to have no one that you can love or rely on completely. Don't act as if you know what it's like to come home to an empty house every day and pretend you don't mind!" He clenched his fists and looked away. "You wouldn't want to be bothered either! You wouldn't want curious or concerned friends prying into your life! It's something that you don't want others to know. Something that stays in the shadows because you'll be an outcast if other kids know that you don't have any family or parents because you mother abandoned you and you father committed suicide because it's not normal to raise yourself. No matter how you turn out there will always be those people that are hateful towards you and spread rumors whether it be because of your race or upbringing, so you keep it to yourself and try to get along with others while not revealing the truth about you past or your present." Suzaku stopped and realized that he had just practically shouted at the top of his lungs everything about his past that had never told anyone with the exception of Lelouch and Nunnaly. He looked up and noticed that all of the other members of the student council were staring at him in disbelief at his long outburst/lecture about what was apparently his past.

"I-I'm sorry, Milly. I got a bit carried away. A-anyway, my point is you can't comfort everyone because you can't relate to everyone," he said looking away in embarrassment. Suddenly he felt a pair of arms encircle him and pull him into a hug. It was Milly.

"Suzaku is that what happened to you? I'm so sorry. I got beside myself and brought back painful memories for you."

"Yeah, Suzaku," Rivalz said, "We never knew that you'd had it so bad."

"I'm sorry, guys. I didn't mean to even bring it up. I don't know what I was thinking ,I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," Milly said.

"Sorry." She sighed.

**-XXX-**

Suzaku let out a sigh as he dropped his bag. He closed the door behind him and slipped his shoes off before stepping completely into the comfort of his dorm.

"You should be thanking me, Lelouch," he said to the raven haired male who had, up until Suzaku had spoken, been concentrating on the book he was reading. Lelouch glanced at him and turned his attention back to his book. He flipped the page and continued reading. His eyes scanned the page slowly, taking in every word.

"Why is that?" he asked after a while.

"Because in an effort to prevent Milly from coming here I told them everything about my past that they weren't aware of." Lelouch shrugged.

"So. I never told you to do anything. You weren't obligated to help me. You acted on your own. Therefore the consequences of helping me out of your own volition are your fault alone. It's not my fault you're so naive and big mouthed."

"…"

"I do appreciate the help though," Lelouch added as a second thought. Suzaku let out a cry of frustration at which Lelouch smirked.

"By the way, did you bring my homework?" Lelouch asked putting his book face down, but not turning to face him.

"Oh, yeah." Suzaku reached into his bag and pulled out a folder which held all of Lelouch's homework assignment from the day.

"Thanks." Lelouch grabbed the folder out of Suzaku's hand and set to work on completing his assignments.

**-XXX-**

That night, just as Suzaku was about to fall asleep, he heard someone rustling around. He sat up, groggily wiping at his eyes, a bit upset at being disturbed so late at night. He reached over and turned on the lamp by his bed only to find Lelouch with his hand on the doorknob about to leave.

"Where are you going?" Suzaku asked, pulling himself into a sitting position. Lelouch only glanced at him and narrowed his eyes, as if saying 'leave me alone', before he slipped out the door, closing it softly behind him. Suzaku rushed over to the door in hopes of catching him before he left, but when he opened it Lelouch was gone. He thought, for a second, about following him, but decided against it. It would only make him angry, so he went back to bed. He was asleep within minutes.

**-XXX-**

Lelouch glanced over his shoulder to make sure that Suzaku hadn't decided to follow him as he rushed down the hall. In his hurry he crashed into someone and fell down.

"Lelouch? What are you doing out of your dorm?" said the person that he'd just run into. It was the dorm adviser, Gino. Lelouch stood hurriedly and pushed past him, running to the stairwell and taking them two at a time down to the ground floor of the dormitory. Once he was there he pushed the door open and left a small block of wood between it so that he could get back in when he returned since the doors were locked and it was almost past curfew.

When he was out of the building, he left the campus by way of a small back gate that he and Rivalz had discovered and been using to ditch school when he went gambling. After picking the lock on the rusted chain that held it closed he slipped out into street and went to the nearest florist shop where he bought a single deep crimson rose.

His final stop was a cemetery. The one where he'd had Nunnaly buried. He walked among the head stones, already knowing the way to Nunnaly's by heart. When he found it he gently placed the deep crimson rose in front of it, a sign of mourning (1), and yet he wore a gentle smile. The same one that he'd reserved for only Nunnaly and that same gentle look in his eyes as he sat down cross legged in front of the headstone where the corpse of his younger sister lay slowly decaying.

"Nunnaly," he muttered. A look of melancholy overcoming his smile for a second, before the smile was replaced and every other feeling was hidden under that mask. All feelings of grief, sadness, loneliness, and melancholy were put aside at this moment. This was the moment that he and Nunnaly had awaited so anxiously every day; when they could be together and talk as if there was nothing wrong.

He found himself absentmindedly tracing the stone where her name was engraved.

"Why did you leave me?" he asked. Not expecting an answer. "I suppose you could say it's my fault," he continued. "I should have gotten you that surgery, but there were risks and I didn't want to lose you." He chuckled, a sad, misplaced laugh erupting from his mouth. "But I should have known that would happen soon, one way or another. In the end I was left alone. Maybe it was my own foolishness. I was hoping that one day you would be able to live with me again, and I wouldn't have to schedule a time so that I could see you, but we were both wrong to believe that. Maybe I'll come join you sometime soon." He stared at the gray headstone. That smile never leaving his face as a few tears made their way down his cheeks. He roughly wiped them away. He could almost feel Nunnaly's small, fragile hand over his telling him not to cry.

"Tears don't bring back the dead," he stated as he moved to stand up. A cold breeze blew by ruffling his hair. "I'll see you tomorrow. I have school and I haven't attended in a while. I suppose you'd want me to, huh?" He stood and made his way over to the exit, glancing over his shoulder once before leaving.

On his way back to Ashford, Lelouch passed a shop. The sign above it read _'Psychic: Channel Your Loved Ones, Know Your Future or Past, and More.'_ Lelouch scoffed at it. '_All psychics are fakes,'_ he thought before he continued on his way.

**-XXX-**

When Lelouch returned to the dormitory, he was relieved to find that the block he'd placed in the door hadn't been moved. He slipped into the building, removing the block on his way, and rushed up the stairs to his room. He checked his watch. It was 1:15 AM. Way past curfew, but he'd made it in and out without getting caught.

After changing his clothes Lelouch lay down in his bed and drifted into a dreamless sleep.

**-XXX-**

The next day when Suzaku woke up, he was surprised to see Lelouch dressed for school.

"You're going to school today?" he asked.

"Apparently," Lelouch said.

"Hey, Lelouch, if you don't mind me asking, where did you go last night?"

"I do mind you asking, so mind you own business," Lelouch said scowling and fixing Suzaku with a glare. _'There's no need to get so upset about it,'_ Suzaku thought.

**-XXX-**

"Lulu!" Shirley practically shouted upon his entering his first period class, which gained the attention of almost all their classmates. He gave her a small (fake) smile as a greeting and she nearly tackled him in a smothering embrace before she started bawling her pretty green eyes out.

"Lulu! I heard what happened. I'm so sorry," she said, still embracing him. Her tears stained the front of his uniform jacket. It took all the strength he had to pry her off and hold her at arm's length. He let his hands fall away from her shoulders once he was sure she wouldn't suffocate him in another hug. She wiped away at her eyes and he handed her a tissue to clean up with.

"Thanks," she said, gratefully taking the tissue and blowing her nose_. 'He seems to be taking this better than me,'_ she thought. Then she remembered that Suzaku had told them earlier that Lelouch was apathetic towards the whole subject of Nunnaly. She remembered when they'd went back to the student council room after Suzaku's outburst he explained everything to them about Lelouch. _'That's just like, Lulu.' _She thought. Then the bell rung signaling the start of class and she hurried to her seat.

The rest of the school day passed by normally. Lelouch handed in all of his assignments, not missing one and maintaining his perfect grades in everything not related to physical activity

**-XXX-**

"Lelouch!" Said boy was, once again, pulled into a suffocating hug.

"Milly, please," he said trying his best to push her away, but failing miserably. After a while she finally let him go. _'By now she's already planned something to humiliate me. I wonder why there acting different.'_ He paused for a second, before realizing that Suzaku had told them about Nunnaly. He mentally berated himself for forgetting that he had asked, more like demanded, Suzaku to tell them about her death.

Lelouch took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh, flopping into his seat.

"Lulu, are you okay?" Shirley asked.

'_My sister just died how do you think I feel?' _Lelouch thought, but instead he said, "I assure you, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me." he gave her a reassuring, albeit small, smile.

"But, we are worried about you, after all-"

"Well don't be," Lelouch cut in a bit more harshly than intended, his smile instantly turning into a scowl. He quickly apologized once he saw the crestfallen look on Shirley's face.

"It's okay, Lulu." _'Suzaku did also say he would get upset if you tried to convey your feelings of sympathy to him. He probably just doesn't want to be reminded of how he feels since he's doing his best not to show his emotions.'_

"Milly, if we're not going to start the meeting, can I just leave?" Lelouch asked. It had been a while since the meeting had started and everyone was accounted for, so that was no excuse as to why it hadn't started yet. Also, C.C had been staring at him for a while and it was starting to creep him out. It felt like she could see right through him, and just the notion that she knew how he felt and everything else was making him uncomfortable. Piercing gold, connected with annoyed amethyst and they stared each other down.

"Oh, right," Milly said, "We were going to organize the clubs budgets."

**-XXX-**

When the budgets were organized Milly discussed an event that they were holding in a few months. A Fall Festival that they held every year in November.

"We should start working on the costume designs and bigger stuff in advance, so that we won't fall behind and have to postpone it like we did last year," Shirley suggested.

"Yeah," Milly agreed, "and there will be a giant pizza." C.C, who had been toying with her hair just seconds before, perked up at the word 'pizza', and the conversation that she'd been ignoring now had her rapt attention.

After a bit longer, the student council members were dismissed.

**- XXX-**

That night, Suzaku noticed Lelouch sneaking out again and, against his better judgment, decided to follow him just to sate his curiosity.

He stayed a ways behind him to make sure he didn't notice that he was being followed.

Suzaku was puzzled when he saw Lelouch walk into a florist shop and came out holding a single flower, but he was too far away to see what kind it was. Suzaku entered the store too and asked the man behind the desk what the boy who'd just been in there bought. He looked at him oddly, but replied nonetheless.

"He bought a single deep crimson rose," he answered.

"I'll have one, too." While Suzaku waited for the man to give him the flower he tried to remember what that particular flower meant. His father had made him learn the language of flowers when he was younger, but he'd forgotten over the years. The man handed him the flower and he paid him and left.

He noticed Lelouch wasn't far away, so he rushed after him still staying a good enough distance away that he wasn't noticed. _'That's right, a deep crimson rose stands for mourning! Lelouch _would_ know that.' _

When he looked up from the flower that he'd averted his attention to he noticed that Lelouch was turning into a place that looked like- _'Is that a cemetery?'_

_

* * *

_

_**End Note- **_**(1).- i looked up the Language of Flowers and it said a deep crimson rose stands for mourning, but if I'm wrong please let me know. **

**I'm working on making the chapters longer, but thought i ought to get this out. the next chapter shouldn't take half as long as it took me to post this one, so expect it in a few weeks. I think Milly was OOC at the beginning and i apologize for that and i may have gone a bit over board with suzaku's lecture ^^", but i didn't want to change it. Please REVIEW! and tell me what you thought of this chapte****r! Also if you noticed any misspelled words or other mistakes, please let me know in your review and I'll fix it ASAP.**_  
_


	6. Disappearance

**A/N-_ Um is this on time? I'm not sure, but it didn't take as long, did it? oh well. Thanks to my 3 awesome reviewers_: **_CeroCeor143, ToshiroFan1, and sakurahanaalice. _**_Thanks a lot for reviewing! ^-^ they really do help me_ _get chapters out faster.  
Now Please Enjoy The Chapter! ^0^

* * *

_**

_Chapter 6: Disappearance_

Suzaku watched Lelouch enter the graveyard. When he was sure that Lelouch was a good distance away from the entrance, he calmly walked up to it, so as not to seem suspicious to passersby, and peered in. Lelouch was a ways away by then and had stopped in front of a headstone that had to be none other than Nunnaly's.

Suzaku debated whether or not he wanted to enter also to get a better look and put the rose that he'd unknowingly bought there also. He was going to do just that when he paused and thought a bit more carefully. He knew Lelouch would probably fly off the handle and get angrier than necessary at him because he'd requested to be left alone for an indefinite amount of time. And he'd told Suzaku to mind his own business, but considering the fact that he'd been so down the past few days, none of his friends had really heeded that request, much to Lelouch's irritation.

Suzaku decided to wait until Lelouch left, and then he would give Nunnaly his flower and pay his respects. The only thing was that Lelouch had been there for almost an hour, and Suzaku was starting to wonder what in the world he could be doing in there.

**-XXX-**

Lelouch sat in front of his beloved sister's headstone once again. He conversed with it as if he'd expected an answer, even though he didn't. Once again his finger gently traced the name that had been engraved in gold in the gray marble stone, treating it with the utmost delicacy as if it was the most fragile thing in the world and could break if he put even the smallest amount of pressure on it, just like he had treated Nunnaly.

"Everyone misses you," Lelouch said, "They've been trying to cheer me up, but it's not possible. Now that you're gone my heart is torn beyond repair." He looked down at the flower that he'd place there a while ago. His hair fell over his eyes. "I really see no reason for me to stay here anymore, in this world (1). I want to be with you." A cold wind blew hard against him revealing amethyst orbs filled with such unspeakable despair and depression that there was no room for any other emotion. Another breeze blew. This one softer, as if telling him not to think such things. Both left the sting of bitter cold on his cheeks.

"Sorry, I shouldn't say such things," Lelouch said. A shadow was cast upon him and he looked up. The moon was completely covered in clouds, and it looked as if it was going to rain. Lelouch debated whether or not he cared about getting wet. _'I guess I have been here for a while.'_ he thought, so he stood and, giving Nunnaly a final good-bye, left.

**-XXX-**

Suzaku was dozing off in a booth by a window in a nearby café when he saw Lelouch pass by, but it was only when he had just entered the cemetery that he then realized when Lelouch arrived at the dormitory he would remove the block from the door and Suzaku wouldn't be able to get back in. When Lelouch realized that Suzaku wasn't in the dorm he probably wouldn't let him in just to spite him.

Suzaku's choices were to either run ahead of Lelouch and get to the dorms before him and hope that Lelouch didn't notice anything, or he could hurry and pay his respects to Nunnaly and see if he could beat Lelouch back without getting found out.

He decided on the latter because he didn't know when he'd get a chance to visit her again.

**-XXX-**

It wasn't that hard to locate Nunnaly's headstone, seeing as he remembered where Lelouch had been sitting just a few minutes before. He placed his flower in front of it and mumbled a prayer of safety and guidance on her way to heaven.

"Maybe I'll have more time to stay and talk next time, but right now I'm trying to manage your moody brother. He hardly smiles anymore, now that you're gone," Suzaku added as an after thought and deeply bowed to her before running off. The wind whipped at his hair when he reached the exit and he looked back once more to smile softly.

"I'll make sure he doesn't do anything stupid," he said. Then he took off running again.

**-XXX-**

Suzaku made it to the dormitory just in the nick of time. Lelouch was less than a block away from the academy when Suzaku slipped into his bed,without changing his clothes, and pretended to be asleep.

Then the door opened and Lelouch entered, looking as forlorn as ever he quickly slipped into some pajamas and into his own bed.

"Suzaku?" he asked, his back turned to his friend.

"… Yeah?" Suzaku hesitated but answered against his better judgment.

"If you don't leave me alone I'll end up hating you," Lelouch said nonchalantly. And just like that the conversation ended and Lelouch promptly fell asleep.

**-XXX-**

The next day, Lelouch was absent from school. Suzaku hadn't heard from him since the night before, and when he'd woken up, the raven haired boy's bed was empty.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Shirley demanded, practically having a panic attack at the very notion that her Lulu may be lost. Suzaku shrugged.

"He was mad at me last night, and when I woke up this morning his bed was empty. It looked like he'd never been there in the first place."

"Well that just means we'll have to find him, doesn't it?" Milly chimed.

"Why can't we just do what he wants and leave him alone?" asked Rivalz.

"Because, dear Rivalz," Milly said, smiling as she tapped his nose with her fore finger, "that would be against my nature."

-**XXX-**

Lelouch looked at the building that loomed before him and frowned a bit at himself in disgust_. 'Am I really that desperate,_' he thought, wanting to walk away and forget about his dumb idea of even approaching this building, but it was too late. His curiosity and anxiety had already gotten his hopes up, so, looking up at the sign, which read _Psychic: Channel Your Loved Ones, Know Your Future /Past, and More,_ he sighed and entered the building.

**-XXX-**

"What do you mean he's not anywhere on the campus?" Milly demanded of the red head in front of her. Said girl shrugged. Ever since Milly found out that Lelouch had disappeared that morning she'd sent the whole student body racing around the campus trying to find the boy, and no one had had any luck.

"He's not anywhere on the campus," Kallen replied, once again shrugging her shoulders. Milly sighed. "Where could he possibly be?" she muttered to which she received another shrug from the oh, so helpful Kallen._' And it's not like I can have students go looking for him outside of the premises. The Tokyo Settlement is pretty big.' _she thought, very much dismayed that she couldn't find her friend.

**-XXX-**

Upon entering the strange building, Lelouch was greeted by a young boy with flowing blond hair that was longer than his body. It dragged along the floor behind him, and for a second Lelouch wondered if it bothered the boy at all that his hair was pulled along the dirty floor.

"What can I do for you?" the boy asked.

"I'm looking for the supposed psychic that resides here. Might you be her apprentice?" Lelouch asked politely. The boy chuckled, leaving Lelouch feeling confused for a second, a feeling he wasn't very fond of, before the child held out his hand.

"My name is V.V. I am the 'supposed' psychic. How may I help you?" Lelouch shook the offered hand.

"Sorry about that. My name is Lelouch Lamperouge," he muttered.

"It's no problem. Customers almost always think of me as just a child, and most don't believe in me until they experience what I'm capable of. The only question is are you prepared to pay for this. The price is rather large."

"I'll pay, whatever the price is. I just want to see my sister again," Lelouch said, hardly believing that he was letting this child scam him out of a good amount of money.

"Shall we do this now and discuss the price later?" V.V asked leading the raven haired teen to the back. Lelouch followed the mysterious boy even though his conscience was screaming at him to leave the building and never go back.

The inside of the building was very drab and dull, especially compared to what Lelouch had thought it would look like. The floor was concrete and gray, and the walls were bare of any color whatsoever. they stopped in front of a plain white door and V.V unlocked the door and gestured for Lelouch to enter.

Lelouch surveyed the room, mildly surprised at what he saw. There were no weird posters or a crystal ball in the center of a round table decorated with bizarre designs. No beads or strings hung in the doorway, or anything that would probably be expected of a psychic. There was actually nothing out of the ordinary about the the room. The only thing that looked as if it didn't belong was the boy. His unnaturally long hair, his clothing, the atmosphere about him. It was as if he demanded respect.

Lelouch took a seat on a leather couch that looked much like one you would find in a therapist's office, and V.V sat in a chair across from him.

"I would like to discuss the price before you do anything," Lelouch said .

"I see. As you wish. Then in order for you to see your deceased sister," he paused for a second. " I will require a piece of your soul."

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**End Note: (1.) Yeah I'm aware that was a bit emo.**

**_So, what did you think? I know this chapter is a bit shorter that usual, but i wanted to split it into 2 different chapters. Please Review. They inspire me to write and usually the more reviews i get the faster the chapters come out. But I've decided that I'm going to stop promising when the chapters will be out. I'm one of those people that start writing a story and make it up as i go along so, yeah, some chapters will come out later than others because i write it as it comes to me and i don't preplan how many chapters it will have or what happens in each, but if you want to suggest something I'm very open to your ideas, though they wont be used 100% of the time_. _ALSO_ if you spot any mistake please let me know and i will fix them ASAP. Thanks for reading! ^-^  
**


	7. Disturbing Dreams

**_A/N:_**_I'm SO terribly sorry that this is so late, but my Microsoft word was down and it took me like a month to get it back up then i was watching Hetalia and Fairy Tail, so i got a bit side tracked. i guess it's better now than never right?_

_HAPPY THANKSGIVING! ^-^ i hope you enjoy it!  
_

_Without further ado, PLEASE ENJOY THE CHAPTER!  
_

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_Chapter 7: Disturbing Dreams_

Lelouch looked at the boy as if he were crazy. He thought he was kidding and looked for any sign that what this young looking boy had just stated was a joke, but his expression was solemn and the look in his eyes was one of indifference.

"This is a very serious matter and most people take this as a joke. That's how most of my customers end up deathly ill after coming here too many times. They don't give their soul time to heal before returning. This is a very important matter, so if you are willing to give me what I need to grant you a meeting with your younger sister, then I will happily grant your wish." Lelouch was at a loss of words for once. The boy sounded completely serious, but logically speaking there was no way you can take a piece of someone's _soul_. The whole idea of it sounded _preposterous_, almost _laughable_, and yet Lelouch wanted to go through with it. He wanted nothing more than to see his younger sister even if it was only one more time.

"How does it work?" he asked hesitantly.

"I have a power called Geass. It enables me to contact the afterlife, predict future happenings, and see the past. I've developed my power to its full potential, and yet I'm still not pleased. I, however, have figured out a way to hack into the power of my geass. All I need is a piece of someone's soul and my appearance will not change. I'm basically immortal." He paused and looked at Lelouch's skeptical expression. "You didn't really think I was this young did you?"

"That's absurd," Lelouch said, standing up to leave. He refused to listen to this boy feed him lies.

"Think what you want, but I'm still the only person in all of Japan who can let you see your dear Nunnaly again," V.V said with a smirk. _'How dare he throw something like that in my face!'_ Lelouch seethed as he stormed out the room, slamming the door behind him.

"You'll be back," the boy's voice echoed after him. "They _always_ come back." Then the door slammed shut once again and Lelouch stepped out into the street, stuffing his hands in his pockets and muttering about how going there had been a stupid idea anyway.

**-XXX-**

(1)"_What is it, Lelouch? Do you not desire to see me?" asked a voice out of the darkness._

"_We miss you," came another voice, but Lelouch could see nothing in the endless blackness within his range of sight. If anything, he could easily recognize the soft, gentle timbre of the first voice._

"_Nunnaly?" he called out, __his calm eyes darted here and there in the pitch blackness,__ searching for his younger sister. A cold wind blew past him and in the gentle breeze he heard a soft giggle. _

"_You found me, Lelouch," it whispered and the cold sensation went away just as quickly as it had come, and the voice was once again far away._

"_Let's play a game, just like old times!" exclaimed the voice of Nunnaly, and Lelouch couldn't help but smile at her playfulness. She was always like that. Even though she was perpetually unable to use her legs, to feel the sensation of running or walking, she was always so playful and adventurous.  
_

"_Sure," he replied, "whatever you want."_

"_Then let's play hide-and-seek. If you find me, Lelouch, I'll come visit you whenever you want, but if it takes you more than five minutes, then there will be a consequence, okay?" she giggled in excitement while Lelouch scowled slightly. This most certainly couldn't be his sister because the Nunnaly he knew would never have consequences of any kind, especially when only playing a meager game._

"_Ready? Set…-"_

"_Wait. How am I supposed to find you in the dark like this?" Lelouch asked._

"_Just do your best and follow my voice, 'kay?" Nunnaly's voice said. "Go!"_

_Lelouch felt a fast wind go by, rustling his hair. _'How am I supposed to follow her voice when she hasn't even said anythi-'_ Lelouch's thoughts were interrupted by a soft giggle that seemed to echo throughout the black plain. He looked around searching for the source of the sound, but another followed soon after. It came from a different place. Lelouch spun his head in that direction and started to run towards it, but by the time he'd taken a few steps the voice seemed to come from somewhere else._

"_Three more minutes left," Nunnaly's sweet voice whispered and she chuckled sinisterly. _'That definitely can't be Nunnaly,'_ Lelouch thought._

"_Wait!" he shouted and the giggling stopped._

"_What?" the voice asked. It seemed to be pouting at the unwanted pause in the game she had been reveling in._

"_How can there only be three minutes left? I've only been here for about five minutes, and we just started playing this imprudent game," Lelouch demanded. This was giving him a headache and the fact that this girl (since he was almost absolutely positive it wasn't Nunnaly) was so quick to change places. It really wasn't fair._

"_Oh that? You're in a whole different dimension, and here time goes by a lot more quickly than it does where you're from. Don't worry, you'll know when time is Can we carry on with the game now?" Lelouch nodded._

"_Great! There's two minutes left," the voice said as it got further away. Lelouch opened his mouth to complain, but thought better of it since it would probably waste his last bit of time, so he instead started after the voice again, knowing it was impossible to win._

"_Ten seconds… nine…eight…"_

_There had to be some way to get to her though._

"…_seven... six…"_

_She was using some kind of method to confuse him, and unfortunately it was working. Lelouch stopped and thought for a second._

"…_five… four…"_

_That was it! She was-_

"…_three… two… one!"_

_Suddenly Lelouch was surrounded by lush grass and flowers. A beautiful villa stood nearby. It looked familiar, and as Lelouch got closer he began to recognize what it was. It was the villa that he and Nunnaly had lived in before their mother's death. He began to realize what would happen next as the setting dawned on him. He tried to stop, not wanting to witness the traumatizing scene again, but it seemed almost as if he couldn't stop himself._

_There was a shriek and a sickening plat.__ Lelouch tried to look away and think of something, anything else. He didn't want to stir up any more bad memories, but something lay in front of his feet, and Lelouch felt a kind of sick interest. He was unable to tear his gaze away from the crumpled figure that lay, unmoving, at his feet.  
_

_A thick red puddle started to form in front of him, slowly crawling towards him. When it reached his shoes he took a step back in disgust, remembering what had happened and wishing so badly that he had the willpower at that moment to look away. Taking a few tentative steps closer he recognized wavy black hair that was strewn across her back and soaking in the blood. And...that dress. It was her favorite, the one she wore most was a rustic brown color with a white collar and a reddish-brown ribbon in the center of the collar that she hardly ever tied. That was all it took for Lelouch to recognize the person that lay dead on the pavement even though he hadn't seen her for years. He didn't need to see the face to know that it was his mother…_

_**-XXX-**_

Lelouch awoke slightly sweating. That had been the first time in years that he'd dreamt of his mother. As a matter of fact, he had all but tried to forget the woman and move on after what had happened_._ Now images of her flashed through his mind. Her lilac eyes lighting up as she smiled down at her children. The way she was always gentle and kind, always polite yet with a slight hint of rebellion in her eyes. That was all, of course, before the murder, and it had to have been the most brutal murder Lelouch had ever witnessed for she was pushed from a balcony in the huge mansion they'd called home. Lelouch had watched her flail, heard her scream, heard the sickening sound when she'd hit the ground. He had seen the blood that pooled around her mangled body, knowing in that instant that she was dead.

Sitting up and wiping the sweat from his forehead, Lelouch glanced at the clock. It read 2:15 AM. With a sigh of exasperation, Lelouch stood and went to take a shower. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully for the rest of the night and he hoped that a warm shower would calm his nerves.

As the warm water sprayed over his exhausted body, Lelouch began to gradually calm down. Once he was completely calm he turned the shower off, stepped out and got dressed.

**-XXX-**

Sitting on the edge of his bed, Lelouch pondered over the recent events of his life. He had lost Nunnaly nearly two weeks ago, nearly had a nervous breakdown, had made a habit of visiting Nunnaly's grave every day to make sure she'd had fresh flowers, and had foolishly ventured into that psychic's place.

Ah, yes, that psychic. Now that Lelouch thought about it he didn't really want to pass up a chance to see Nunnaly again. It was very tempting to just leave right now and give the boy what he wanted so that he could see Nunnaly. Lelouch already missed her dearly. That was one death that he feared he would never get over. Even as a child, Lelouch never fully got over his mother's murder, but no. He refused to see that boy again. What was his name…? V.V! He was so self-assured and arrogant. He was infuriating.

** -XXX-**

Lelouch was unable to get back to sleep that night. he tossed and turned, but it was just another sleepless night. He was having a lot of those lately. Sometimes after he'd visited Nunnaly's grave he'd lie awake and just think back to when they were together and could just be in the calm presence of each other. How he missed those days. Lelouch wasn't sure how long he'd be able to live without her, but for now he would life run it's course and do what he did every other day of his life, put on a smile and let others believe that everything was okay. Why? Because you can't spell believe without lie.

* * *

**End Note****:**_Well this is about the normal length of my chapters. Again I'm sincerely sorry about the wait. I'll try to get the next chapter out before Christmas. Please review!_ If u noticed any errors please let me know in a review or PM.

1. Okay i know this whole dream was a bit...i don't even know, but give me a break please. i was trying to get this chapter out.

_**Review please!**_


	8. The Journal

**_A/N_: **i kno_ this took longer than usual, but i really did try to finish this chapter on Christmas eve i just had writer's block. i did get the next best date though: New Year's Day. and i apologize in advance if the next chapter isnt out by the end of this month,_

_Thanks__ to those who reviewed: _**ToshiroFan1, Pi**_**z****zaPizzaPizza**_**, and sakurahanaalice. **_AND ALSO_**ToshiroFan1, Lancelot-Albion, nymphik13, sakurahanaalice, Heartache14, and CeroCero143 for reviewing chapter 6. i had been in a hurry to post chapter 7 and forgot to thank them.**

_And one more thing: for those of you that didn't know, this story is an AU, so V.V is the only one with geass for now, the whole rebellion isnt really happening, Lelouch doesn't have geass and so on and so forth, C.C does have a purpose though._

_NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, PLEASE ENJOY THE CHAPTER! ^-^_

_

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_

_Chapter 8: The Jo__urnal_

It had been a grand total of three painstaking days since Lelouch had entered the lair of that immortal V.V. Now he sat at his desk in the middle of a class that he was paying no attention to. He, instead, stared out the window resting his right cheek against the palm of his hand while his other hand lay splayed out on the desk by his elbow. He paid the teacher's words no heed, as he tried to delve into a deeper meaning to the dream he'd had several days ago. And as many times as he had run through the happenings of the dream, he couldn't come up with anything. It still didn't make any sense. Very rarely, practically never since he was ten, had he ever dreamt of his mother's murder, so could it have possibly been V.V sending him a dream to tempt him to come back and make the deal with him? Or could that visit really have stirred the worst of his memories from the back of his mind?

Lelouch was jolted from his thoughts when something tapped his hand. He looked over to see a bashful Shirley standing in front of him, and upon looking down he found that a small, leather journal was what had brought him back to reality.

"I'm sorry, Lulu," she mumbled, pulling the small notebook back a little bit. "I noticed that you've seemed a little out of it ever since…well, you know. I just thought that it would help if you maybe wrote down your thoughts to help to, you know, clear your head a bit. I just sort of assumed that you wouldn't really want to talk to anyone about it, and maybe keeping a journal may ease the pain a little bit. I lost someone dear to me before, so I know how you feel." She began to frown, a look of melancholy overtaking her once monotonous expression. "It was my father, remember? He died in a landslide while he was on duty for the military. Oh! But if you want to talk I'm all ears -" Lelouch held up a hand to silence her, thinking it rude to interrupt her rant, but also not wanting to elaborate on the subject of death and mourning.

"A journal is perfect, Shirley. Thank you," he said with a small, fake smile as he took said item from her hand and carefully put it into his messenger bag. Shirley looked pleased that she could help, but worried for her friend at the same time.

"You're sure that you're okay?" she asked, and Lelouch nodded twice before turning his attention back to the window. Taking up his previous position, Lelouch slipped back into his limbo of thoughts until the bell rang.

**-XXX-**

'_A journal, huh?' _Lelouch thought to himself as he made his way to the student council meeting to finish planning out the events and set up for the Fall Festival. '_It's to…help me sort out my feelings?' _Lelouch had half a mind to throw it in the next garbage can he saw and be done with it. _'That's like asking to stir up bad memories.' _He was holding it above a trash can, about to release the object, but withdrew it instead. While the very notion of ridding his poor, tortured soul of all of its tragedies and sadness was almost laughable, Lelouch didn't want to just throw it out. Shirley must have bought it with her own money, and throwing it out would break her fragile heart if she found out he did such a thing. So Lelouch stuffed the object in question into his messenger bag and kept walking as he pondered what he would do with it.

**-XXX-**

The meeting was relatively short for they had very few things to discuss, and half way through it Lelouch had slipped into a state of mind in which he tuned out or just disregarded all of his surroundings. So, the meeting ended early, and maybe it hadn't ended as early as Lelouch thought, but it had ended earlier than usual nonetheless. Either way Lelouch was glad to have some reprieve from the work Milly had been piling on them.

He had been the first to get up and exit the room in case Milly decided to change her mind. She's whimsical like that.

**-XXX-**

Lelouch had taken the journal out of his bag and was, once again, staring at it as he tried to decide the fate of the aforementioned item while on his way to his dorm.

"What's that?" asked a voice from beside him causing Lelouch to jump and glare. The owner of said voice only chuckled and waved off the glare as if were nothing new.

"If you must know, Suzaku, it's a journal that Shirley gave me," Lelouch responded.

"For what?"

"She said it was for me to write down my thoughts and emotions in, that it would help me to cope with Nunnaly's death. Though, I highly doubt it will do anything other than stir other memories that I have no desire to recall," Lelouch said. His eyes still trained on the dark purple journal.

"Oh." Suzaku smiled slightly, glad that Lelouch had reverted back to himself, even if it was just a little bit, and was speaking freely with him. Now he only wished that he would confide in him what was going on with him lately. He had been acting strange.

Lelouch would phase out of reality for hours at a time, and even though he would interact with others it was done unconsciously, and his mind would be somewhere else entirely. When he snapped out of his thought induced stupor, the raven haired boy would have no recollection whatsoever of the things that he'd done throughout the day. It was because of this strange behavior that everyone had been worried about him, but now that he appeared to be back to himself they had started to calm down. Suzaku, though, ever the the worrier, had caught Lelouch staring out the window forlornly many times afterward and noticed that there were things that Lelouch was neglecting to tell them. And while there were still many skeletons in both his and Lelouch's closets, this was something especially important that Lelouch was keeping from them.

Knowing Lelouch, he would never speak to anyone of his troubles. In fact, Suzaku didn't even know what was wrong with the boy one hundred percent of the time, for Lelouch was to prideful to "burden", as he put it, even the best of his friends with his problems and dilemmas. And as smart as Lelouch was he was blind to the fact that not telling hs friends his problems was having the reverse effect of what he wanted and burdened them a lot more. It burdened them with worry.

**-XXX-**

That night, Lelouch went on his usual visit to Nunnaly's grave. After spending and hour or so there, he was going to return to his dorm and try to get as much sleep as he could before school the next morning, but on his way back Lelouch stopped in front of the psychic, V.V's, shop.

It was late, the street was practically deserted except for the occasional car, and Lelouch wasn't sure about the decision he had made earlier, but his longing to see Nunnaly was more intense than his hesitation on entering the building. He moved to open the door, but pulled back when a sudden chill went down his spine. He had a foreboding feeling about the building.

It wasn't the way the way the building looked because it was in no way dilapidated or that old looking. In fact, it looked just like any other shop would . It had two floors, unless there was a basement. The first which was for business, if you could call it that, and the other was where, Lelouch guessed, V.V lived, which wasn't uncommon. There were concrete stairs leading up to the entrance and a wrought iron screen door in front of the plain gray, solid oak door that granted you entrance into the building. The only thing strange thing about the appearance of the building was the lack of windows. Sure there were some here and there, but they were sparse and mainly on the second floor. Other than that the overall appearance was quite normal.

It was the atmosphere around the building that made Lelouch so apprehensive. It felt eerie, as if something bad would happen to you if you entered it, and it gave Lelouch a sense of foreboding, a sense of doom. He knew it was stupid to even entertain such thoughts, but if that boy could really do what he claimed, then the feeling that had Lelouch all tense wasn't at all that absurd, but right now, to him, it sounded like something straight out of a horror movie.

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**END NOTE: **_What do you think? i thought this was a nice place to stop. Review? please? if you caught any grammar mistakes please let me know. _

_HAPPY NEW YEAR! \^0^/_


	9. A Long Awaited Reunion

**A/N**:_i_**'m sorry this chapter took me longer than usual, but i was stuck at one part and it took me a while to figure out what to do with it. i'm still a bit doubtful about the quality of this chapter, but i thought that i should just go ahead and put it out instead of holding out for another week or so.**

**Thanks to my reviewers: **_1black1 and sakurahanaalice _

_**now PLEASE ENJOY THE CHAPTER!**  


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**  
**_

_Chapter 9: A Long Awaited Reunion_

The journal lay prone on an otherwise clean desk, and Suzaku, having just come out of his shower, absentmindedly took notice that the owner of said item was not present. Sitting down with a heavy sigh, he roughly dried his hair before picking up the journal and flipping through it. He might have felt bad for invading Lelouch's privacy if the boy had written in it at all, but every page was blank, as expected. Suzaku tossed it back to its place on the desk and heaved another heavy sigh. '_Lelouch,' _he thought_, 'what could possibly be so important that you can't tell even me.'_

**-XXX-**

Lelouch once again reached for the door knob, this time he didn't pull away, though the same feeling of dread washed over him. The door swung open, and in the doorway stood the very person that had, in a way, bent his will and persuaded him to come back. It was as if he'd been expecting him.

He wore a very nearly sinister grin and beckoned for Lelouch to follow as he disappeared into the building. Lelouch took one wavering step inside, took a deep breath to strengthen his resolve, and followed behind V.V into the room he'd been taken to before.

The interior hadn't been changed in the slightest bit. The walls were still beige, the carpet still white. The mahogany desk that stood in the far right corner of the room was still pristine as if it had never been used.

V.V pointed to the leather seat that Lelouch had sat in previously and Lelouch sat. V.V took a seat in a high backed brown leather chair in front of him.

"I suppose I should explain the process?" V.V queried.

"No," Lelouch responded without even thinking, "just do it." '_If you explain everything I may back down and not be able to gather the courage to come back here for a while,'_ he thought. V.V smiled as if he'd read his mind and nodded his consent.

"Are you ready then?" Lelouch nodded. "Then lean back and close your eyes. Try to clear your mind." Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Lelouch leaned back and closed his eyes. He was nervous but silently thrilled to see Nunnaly again.

V.V smiled almost ravenously as he leaned in and touched his forehead to Lelouch's. It had been a while since anyone had set foot in his shop. Many people didn't believe in his power, and V.V, who had started to fear that he would begin to age, had been desperate.

In the instant of contact, his forehead and eyes began to glow with a red bird-like symbol. He opened his mouth slightly and did the same to Lelouch's. A glowing bluish-white smoky substance was flowing from Lelouch into V.V.

After almost a whole minute, V.V, who had been reveling in the very taste of Lelouch soul pulled back.

"Now open your eyes and look directly at me," V.V commanded. Lelouch obeyed and looked him directly in his eyes_. 'That insignia, is that Geass?'_ Lelouch wondered absentmindedly, but his mind was to overcome with fatigue to give it a second thought.

V.V had said something, but Lelouch hadn't heard, and now his eyes were back to normal and he looked calm, almost content. Lelouch opened his mouth to ask him what exactly he'd said, but he passed out.

**-XXX-**

Suzaku lay awake in his bed. He glanced at the clock. It was nearly one in the morning and Lelouch had yet to come back. To tell the truth Suzaku was almost beside himself with worry. Anything could have happened to Lelouch, and God new that he couldn't protect himself.

After sitting in his bed for several seconds and thinking about all the things that could have happened to Lelouch, Suzaku changed clothes, grabbed his jacket, and silently slipped out of his dorm in search of his friend.

**-XXX-**

_Lelouch opened his eyes then sat up with a jolt._

"_Nunnaly!" he shouted. Then he took notice of his surroundings. He was lying on the couch of the student council room. Sweeping a glance around the room he noticed that it was empty. Wondering how he got there in the first place, Lelouch himself was about to leave and return to his dorm, but before he could stand, the automatic door hissed open. The steady whirred of an electric powered wheelchair filled the silence. Lelouch sat there, taken by surprise as the person in the wheelchair slowly rolled into the room. His heart swelled with anticipation. 'It has to be her!' he thought._

"_Nunnaly," he whispered to himself. He gasped, breath hitching in his throat, when the full body of the person was revealed._

"_Lelouch, you shouldn't yell like that. It scared me. I thought something was wrong," said the wheelchair bound girl._

"_Nunnaly!" Lelouch shot up from the couch and wrapped her in a loving embrace, one tear escaping only to cascade down Lelouch's cheek._

"_I've missed you so," he whispered._

"_What do you mean, Lelouch?" Nunnaly asked innocently. "I was only gone for a little while."_

"_Even so, Nunnaly," he muttered, still embracing her gently, but firmly. "Even so, it felt like eternity to me, so please, don't ever leave my side again, okay?" He pulled away, kneeling beside her, and a few more tears spilled, but they were quickly wiped away._

_Nunnaly turned her closed, sightless eyes towards Lelouch's as if to stare him in the eye, and smiled out of pure joy, but, slowly, it began to fade._

"_Lelouch, that's impossible." Just like that the innocent happiness that was enjoyed in that moment shattered like a fragile glass._

"_I know." And that was the blatant truth. No matter how many times he could visit her in his dreams, Nunnaly would always be dead in reality, and in a different sense Lelouch would be dead, too. He would be nothing but the shell of a human being, unable to feel anything more that sadness and melancholy. _

"_But we can pretend," he said, sounding desperate. "We can act like nothing ever happened, like you're still alive."_

"_Why, Lelouch?" Nunnaly tilted her head in the cute way she had always done when she was confused. "Why would you want to do that to yourself?" Lelouch looked away, his bangs covering his eyes, and Nunnaly was answered with silence._

"_Lelouch-"She reached out and grasped his hands._

"_Please! Please, Nunnaly?" He pleaded, hands clenching over hers. His eyes were overflowing with tears, and there was no way to stop them. It was as if the flood gate that had been holding them back had broken. "Do it for your brother?"_

"_You'll be okay without me," Nunnaly said, looking at him sadly, and she began to fade, slowly disappearing into oblivion. _

"_I can't wait to see you again," she said, and a single shining tear fell from her closed eyes, "so come back soon, okay?" _

"_Wait, Nunnaly! No!" Lelouch grasped as the air, trying to bring her back, but to no avail. "I won't lose you again!" He collapsed on the ground and tried to hold back the remaining tears, but failed._

**-XXX-**

"Lelouch! Lelouch wake up!" Suzaku shouted, shaking his friend. He lay, still sleeping on the couch in the student council room. Tears were spilling from his closed eyes, and his arm was reached halfheartedly in to the air grabbing at it. Milly, Shirley, Kallen, and Rivalz surrounded Suzaku as he tried to wake the sleeping boy.

"Nunnaly," Lelouch muttered, "come back. I won't lose you again." With that his hand dropped onto his chest and he fell quiet, but the tears never seemed to stop flowing from the endless sea of sadness that was overflowing inside of him.

"I'm worried," Shirley said. "What's wrong with him?"

"I think it's a nightmare," Rivalz said, "but it must be pretty intense."

Suzaku tried shaking Lelouch again and shouted his name. His body tensed and slowly, blearily he opened his eyes. Sitting up, Lelouch looked around in a daze before dropping his gaze onto his lap. His bangs hid his expression.

"Nunnaly?" he said, his hands clenching on his pants where they'd been dropped. It was as if he hadn't completely woken up yet. "Why did you disappear? You promised me that I would be okay without you!" he shouted at the air. A tear drop fell onto his hand. "Why…why did you lie to me?" More tears started to flow, cascading down from his cheek and falling onto his pants.

Everyone jumped when he shouted. It was Milly who knelt down in front of him and grasped his shoulders. She shook him several times until the bleariness had left his eyes. Blinking a few times, Lelouch looked up to see his friends surrounding him and chose to rest his gaze on his lap. "Lulu, are you okay now?" Shirley asked, tears just barely pricking her eyes. In truth, it broke all of their hearts to see Lelouch, who was always so strong, so broken up about the loss of his younger sister.

"Yes," Lelouch responded, "I'm okay." She smiled, but it was uneasy and sad, and there was doubt evident in her eyes.

"How did I get in here?" he asked.

"We don't know," Suzaku spoke up. "I went looking for you last night because you never came back, but you weren't at Nunnaly's grave or anywhere nearby, so I called everyone and asked them to help me find you. It was Shirley who found you sleeping in here. We didn't know what to do, so we just stayed. I've been trying to wake you up for the past half hour."

Looking out the window, Lelouch noticed that the sun hadn't even come up yet. The sky was still dark with just the barest hint of yellow. It must have been around five or six in the morning.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you guys," Lelouch said. Suzaku just chuckled.

"It's fine."

"Wait," Rivalz interrupted, capturing everyone's attention, "How can you guys pretend that didn't just happen?"

Lelouch cringed, his hands clenching onto his pants, and Milly smacked Rivalz on the back of the head.

"What? I'm just concerned for my buddy. When someone cries in their sleep and wakes up yelling at someone whose dead-" Milly slapped her hand over Rivalz's mouth before he could finish, but it was too late. Lelouch was looking down at his knees; embarrassment was evident in his face and his body language. He refused to look up or meet anyone's eyes. He clenched his hands tighter on his lap. Taking a deep breath and letting it out in a sigh, he completely turned away._ 'I'm so weak_.' He thought.

"Maybe you guys should leave," Suzaku suggested. Kallen and Shirley left without any complaint, hearing his silent plea to talk with his childhood friend in private.

"What about you?" Rivalz asked. Milly glared and dragged the boy from the room, shutting the door behind her.

**-XXX-**

"Rivalz, you idiot!" Kallen yelled, punching him in the arm once they were out in the hallway.

"Why would you do that?" Milly demanded repeatedly smacking him in the head.

"I'm sorry!" he said, trying to shield himself from any further physical abuse.

"I just hope Suzaku can get through to Lulu. He seems to be keeping something from all of us," Shirley said.

* * *

**End Note: i was wondering how you guys would feel if put this story on hiatus for a while. would u still read it and review when i updated? just asking for now. if you spotted any grammar mistakes please let me know. Reviews are much appreciated and inspire me to write more. Constructive criticism helps me to become a better writer, and if you have a good idea it might make me update the next chapter faster.**


	10. Empty Promises

**_A/N_:**_ yes yes, i know that it's been way over a month, but every time i even looked at this chapter, my mind went blank. luckily i started feeling really guilty about not updating so i finally finished it today. it seemed like every time i tried to work on it before that i would get distracted or called *cough cough* and would completely forget about it. i am sincerely sorry._

_ Thanks to the 2 who reviewed: 6wolf6, Miku Alli_

_Now Please enjoy the chapter ^-^  
_

* * *

_Chapter 10: Empty Promises_

Suzaku quietly shut the door to the student council room and took a seat on the couch beside his friend who was silently refusing to make eye contact or even look at him.

"Lelouch," Suzaku said, trying to get his attention, but to no avail. Lelouch sat there, knees pulled up to his chest as he stared unrelentingly at the wall.

"Lelouch?" he repeated, but was again answered with silence. Suzaku would have tried again but what was the point of wasting his breath if he knew he'd just be ignored? He let out an exasperated sigh. Suzaku knew what Lelouch was going through. Having lost his parents at young age, Suzaku had no close relatives, and he remembered the long period of depression he'd fallen into after his father's suicide. It had been a while after Lelouch and Nunnaly had been taken in by the Ashfords. he knew the feeling os hopelessness the accompanied the loss of a loved one

Suzaku glanced over at his friend who looked like he was about ready to claw himself to pieces, and felt that he was somehow at fault for his current was falling apart, and the only thing Suzaku could do was sit there and watch it happen. All in all, he felt useless, like there was nothing he could do to pull Lelouch out of his seemingly eternal depression. Hadn't they made a promise when they were little to protect and care for each other and Nunnaly? Now that Nunnaly was gone it was Suzaku's job to hold up his end of the bargain.

**-XXX-**

_Flashback_

_Lelouch and Suzaku sat under the shade of a large tree in the courtyard of Ashford Academy. Warm rays of sun heated the air, and a passing breeze rustled the leaves on the tree. Both boys were of the age thirteen and attired in the Ashford Academy boys' middle school uniform. Suzaku had just, quite eagerly, told Lelouch everything about himself, including what had happened after Lelouch's father had finally taken him and Nunnaly home. _

_Lelouch was aware that Suzaku had been abandoned by his mother years before, but when he heard that his father had committed suicide, he was surprised, for lack of a better word. Genbu Kururugi had always loved his son, and it just seemed unreasonable that he would kill himself._

_Lelouch had, at first refused to tell his brunette friend what had happened to him over the past three years. He complained that it was none of Suzaku's business and he was still as inquisitive as ever, but with a bit of persuading it was discovered that Lelouch had been thrown out by his father along with Nunnaly and taken in by the Ashfords, which was how he'd ended up where he was. Suzaku thought it was unfair. Although, Nunnaly had started to weaken and was required to go on weekly trips to the hospital as her thin body began to give out, she and Lelouch still had a family, or people who cared about them at least, to support them. Suzaku did not. The simple truth was that he was alone._

_ After hearing each other's stories, both were quiet for a while, not knowing what to say about the hardships they had both faced, and there was really nothing to say. They had barely reached the age of fourteen when they reunited, and had already experienced so many of the sorrows of life. _

"_Alright then!" Suzaku exclaimed, still as energetic as the day Lelouch and Nunnaly had left. Lelouch looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. _

"_From now on we'll support each other. We'll protect and care for each other and tell each other everything! There will be no secrets, and we won't have to worry about being abandoned." Suzaku beamed excitedly, proud of his idea, and Lelouch smiled a bit in return._

"_What do you think?" asked the eager young brunette._

"_Well, it's not completely stupid," Lelouch said grinning a bit at how his comment made Suzaku puff out his cheeks in a slight pout. He hadn't changed at all. "Sure, it's a promise," Lelouch agreed holding out his hand, which Suzaku shook. They had then, according to them, become their own makeshift family. (1)  
_

_End flashback_

**-XXX-**

Thinking back, Suzaku began to dwell on how selfish it had been of him to drag Nunnaly and Lelouch into his life. He only did it so that he wouldn't have to worry about being abandoned again. Lelouch and Nunnaly, they had been fine, set for life with a nice group of people that actually cared about them. To tell the truth, Suzaku had always truly loathed Lelouch, not that he would show it. It was just that he had always been alone, and even at the time they had made they're promise, he knew he would be perpetually so. Suzaku was wise enough, though, to realize that letting something as trivial as his envy come between him and his friend. That promise, it was nothing but an empty promise that had simply been a made up form of solace to comfort a boy that would almost certainly never know the warmth of a mother's embrace. A promise that was meant to be broken.

Suzaku still liked to think of them as a family sometimes, though it seemed Lelouch and Nunnaly had forgotten about it when he and Lelouch entered high school, and the memory became even more distant when Nunnaly had entered the hospital. Now that Nunnaly, who was Lelouch's entire reason for living, was dead it seemed Lelouch had forgotten almost all of the happier times he'd had with Nunnaly and Suzaku as a child. Lelouch, though, was not a person who lived in the past. He lived in the present and looked ahead to the future, but never looked back on his past. That was something that he'd rather forget.

**-XXX-**

Suzaku sighed. He knew Lelouch would continue to disregard his presence as he had been, but he wanted to help his friend, and he would do so whether Lelouch wanted him to or not because Suzaku felt like he should have been there for the siblings. When their father abandoned them, during the several months they lived with him after he'd started a new life and neglected them. Suzaku felt that if he had been there then maybe, just maybe, the simple act of living wouldn't take such a toll on Lelouch.

**-XXX-**

Suzaku was roused from his thoughts by the sound of a door creaking open. Looking up he saw that Lelouch had gotten up and was about to exit the room. His head was down, almost as if he were ashamed of himself, his bangs concealed his eyes in a shadow, and a firm scowl was on his face.

"Lelouch, wait," Suzaku said, swiftly moving to the door to grab said boy by the arm, but he was a moment too late and missed.

The second he'd shouted out the boy's name, Lelouch had darted out of the door, trying to the best of his ability to return to his dorm where he felt like he was safe from the prying eyes of his friends. He'd made it halfway down the corridor when Suzaku had caught him by the wrist leaving him no choice but to stop. Lelouch kept his head down and tried, futilely, to tug his arm out of the vice grip that Suzaku was holding it with. He knew that that his capture was inevitable and escape was impossible, yet he still did not turn to confront him.

"Lelouch, why won't you tell me what's wrong. You should be able to trust me at least," Suzaku said. There was silence except for the deep breaths that Lelouch was taking as he tried to regain his composure.

"At least talk to me. There has to be something I can do to help you!" Silence. "Please, Lelouch. I don't want to just stand by and watch as you fall apart. Yes, Nunnaly is dead, but you'll have to get over that sooner or later. You can't bring her back! No matter what you do she's gone, and there's nothing you can do about it, so why don't you just cope with it instead of trying to shut everyone out!"

"Shut up!" Lelouch shouted, tearing his wrist from Suzaku's grasp in the moment of surprise that left him gawking at his friend who'd just went off on him.

"You wouldn't know the pain of losing someone you care about!" Lelouch shouted. His violet eyes were alive with fury and his frown seemed to be ingrained in his face . "You've obviously never even known how it feels to be loved, so don't tell _me _how to deal with _my_ emotions! Nunnaly is the only person I've ever lived for, what am I supposed to do know that she's gone? I-" Lelouch broke off when he looked up and saw the hurt and surprised expression on Suzaku's face. Lelouch remembered how Suzaku's mom had abandoned him and his father's suicide, and his own expression softened into one of sadness regret.

"I… suppose you're right. My parents surely never loved me. I guess I _don't_ know what I'm saying," Suzaku said looking down at the ground, his tone despondent.

"Suzaku, I… I didn't mean it like that. It's not my place to-"

"No, you're right, Lelouch!" Suzaku stated, his voice more firm. His eyes had not left the floor and Suzaku looked as if he himself was ready to cry. "I just wanted to help you through this, you know. I felt that as your best friend I shouldn't just leave you to deal with this alone, but," his tone was gaining volume as he spoke, "then you throw something like that in my face. And I've decided that I've had enough of you. Your face, your attitude, it pisses me off! I think you deserve to suffer alone, so if that's what you want then go ahead! In fact you can kill yourself if you want, I've always been alone. Losing you would hardly affect me after all these years!" '_Stop you don't mean what you're saying. Stop before you lose a valuable friend! then you really will be alone...' _said Suzaku's conscience, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. All the emotions that he'd hidden in the deepest depths of his mind were spewing out right then. His envy for Lelouch and every single negative emotion he'd had since his father's suicide were surfacing and being aimed at Lelouch, who was nothing but a victim.

**-XXX-**

Lelouch was affronted. He had said a few things that he hadn't meant, but Suzaku was out of line. He was yelling at him about how he hated him and something not being fair and to go kill himself and other things. Lelouch was stunned. He couldn't utter another word. As a matter of fact, he hadn't even known that Suzaku was able to harbor such anger. He was such a kind, happy person, but if delve into his past, when it comes down to it, he really had been through a lot.

When Suzaku had stopped yelling both boys simply stood there. They had both been out of line with what they'd said, and both were aware of that, but neither wanted to apologize first. after what seemed like hours, but was actually about five minutes, Lelouch spoke first, but it wasn't to apologize.

"I … always promised her that she would be okay," he said. "I said that she would be home and well before she knew it, but her condition kept getting worse. I didn't want to lie, but she was so unhappy. I think that at one point I had convinced myself that she actually would recover. The evidence that I was lying to myself would stare me in the face whenever I went to visit her, but I turned a blind eye to it. That's probably why it's so hard for me to cope with this."

"Lelouch…"

"She would never leave me alone. I know she'll recover and it'll be just like old times, just me, her, and you, Suzaku. That's what I'd tell myself day after day, repeating it like a mantra. I just couldn't bring myself to believe that my little sister could be taken away from me at any moment of any day, so I took the coward's way out and lied." They had started again. Those tears that made Lelouch feel so weak and vulnerable. He clenched his fists and tried to hold them back, but it was to no avail.

"It's okay," Suzaku said, stepping forward to wrap his friend in a comforting embrace, " because life is full of empty promises."

* * *

_**End note**_: _(1) i wasnt sure how to go about the whole flashback, but i wanted suzaku to say something like what he said, and i wasn't sure how else to make him go about the _idea,

_I hope you liked the chapter! if you caught any grammar mistake please let me know and i will fix them ASAP. reviews and constructive critism improve my writing so let me know what you thought. _


	11. Dreaming of Memories

**A/N**:**_ yes, yes. this chapter is 3 months late. i know, and please dont hate me. i just didnt know what to do with it, but good things do come to those who wait. _**

**_Thanks so much to those who reviewed!:_ **_Miku Alli, ToshiroFan1, and TheEmeraldEyedRaven  
**Now without further ado, please enjoy the chapter!**  
_

* * *

_ Chapter 11: Dreaming of Memories_

'_Oh, it's raining,'_ Suzaku thought as he stared out the window of his last class of the day. He only vaguely knew what the teacher was droning on about as he let his mind drift in and out of consciousness. The soft taps of the rain colliding with the window he sat beside aided in lulling him to sleep, but thoughts of what had taken place earlier, the whole situation with Lelouch, kept him from crossing the threshold into a dreamland that would most likely be haunted by his past as it had been lately.

'_I know I crossed the line telling him that he needed to move on. Lelouch is really vulnerable right now, whether he wants to admit it or not, and even though I had his best interests in mind…the way I stated my thoughts was wrong. I should have talked to him a long time ago about this. When she first died and I saw he was hiding something urgent, I should have gone to the hospital myself instead of trying to get the information from him. It must have been painful having to break the news to me. I was stupid to hound him for answers like that. I know that every question must have torn him apart inside. I- I just don't know… how to... apologize.' _His eyes slowly shut. He would solve all the problems later, but for now-

"_Mr. Kururugi!_ I would appreciate it if you _didn't_ fall asleep during my lesson," snapped the teacher.

"Yes. Sorry, Ma'am," Suzaku said, bowing his head quickly, a habit he hadn't quite gotten rid of. There were scattered giggles, but Suzaku didn't care. He promptly turned his attention back to his window, and leaned his head against it. Letting out a sigh of exasperation that fogged up the window, he tried to pay attention to what was going on around him.

Looking around, he noticed an empty seat behind him. _'Oh yeah, Lelouch didn't come today.' _Another sigh and he turned his attention to the teacher.

**-XXX-**

'_The day surely couldn't drag by any slower,' _Lelouch thought as he sat at his desk, pen arched to write in case he thought of anything else to add. The journal sat open on the desk in front of him. He'd been sitting like that, staring at the half filled pages, for fifteen minutes at the very least, and had been writing for the past hour. Needless to say, he'd filled several pages of the journal Shirley had given him with his thoughts and emotions. He'd felt incredibly lame doing it, but in the end, this small action had helped rid him of quite a bit of stress. _"I just thought that it would help if you maybe wrote down your thoughts to help to, you know, clear your head a bit."_ Shirley had said when she'd given it to him, and it surprisingly had.

All of the things that Lelouch hadn't shared with anyone else, his fears and insecurities, even those from far before Nunnaly had passed away were written in that journal. It felt as if a large weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

All in all, Lelouch felt relieved. It was almost as if he'd been able to share all of his thoughts from the past several years with someone who'd just sat and listened, not interrupting of making judgments, but simply listening as Lelouch voiced his concerns. As a matter of fact, he'd also included some of the internal dialogue he'd had with himself around the time when Nunnaly had been hospitalized.

Looking back, he nearly laughed at himself. The most prominent memory he'd had of the time was him telling himself and Nunnaly that she'd be okay. Had he not tricked himself into believing that his lies were true, Lelouch would have felt guilty for telling such a blatant lie, but he had been fooled, falling victim to his own deception.

Pitiful. It was the only word Lelouch could think of to describe himself over the past few years.

'_Why am I so weak?'_ Lelouch thought to himself_. 'All of these years, no matter how I've masked it, I've always been weak. What an incredibly sad existence mine is.' _He stared down at the desk, unconsciously writing his thoughts_. 'These hands are so capable, and yet so inexcusably pathetic. This life… I don't deserve it. Nunnaly…I'd do anything to switch places with you. Anything.' _

He put his head down, suddenly fatigued and simply tired of living. Lelouch felt relief as the lethargy overtook him, and he was soon fast asleep; his light breathing the only sound filling the sunlit room.

**-XXX-**

_A figure, ambiguous in form, stood silently. Its black color stood stark against the lush green and yellow of the field of sunflowers surrounding it. Lelouch remembered this place from his childhood. He, Nunnaly, and Suzaku used to play there all of the time when they were young. It was like a secret hideout of sorts, and they had been the only ones to know of the place. There were so many fond memories of that field. How many times had they chased each other while Nunnaly had ridden on Suzaku's back? How many laughs had been shared there?_

_"You wish to die," it breathed, voice deep and resonating, tone emotionless. It shook Lelouch from his recollection, and for the first time he noticed the figure that stood before him and stared as it restated its question._

_"…" Lelouch was speechless. Was he really prepared to die? No, he had to live on for Nunnaly, right?_

_Before Lelouch could respond correctly, the figure was hurtling towards him wielding a weapon that looked like something akin to a scythe. It stopped not a foot behind him, holding the scythe like weapon at Lelouch's neck._

_"Do you wish to die?" it asked once more, and when no reply came it ripped the scythe through Lelouch without a moment's hesitation. In that moment, Lelouch felt no pain, only a sensation of being separated. It was then that he took notice of his body standing where he had been only seconds before. Then it hit him. The scythe had separated his body from his soul. Taking another glance at his body, Lelouch was surprised to find that he wasn't bothered by this at all. He was, in fact, completely calm. He was alarmed, though, when his body started to crumble into oblivion._

_Looking around, he found that the black figure had disappeared. 'What's happening? Why is my body disintegrating?' he asked himself as he approached what was left of it to survey the damage._

_"You no longer require a vessel," said a feminine voice._

_"C.C?" Lelouch looked for a form to go with the voice but found none._

_"You're here because you wish to die, do you not? I am here to ensure that your wish is granted. Please look once more at what you're leaving behind." And before Lelouch could say anything, the ground below him opened and he fell into an abyss of memories._

**-XXX-**

"_Come on Lelouch, if I can make it up this hill with Nunnaly on my back then you should be able to do it on your own," a young Suzaku teased._

"_Shut up," young Lelouch breathed, gasping as he finally reached the top of the hill only to sit down to rest._

"_You're so pathetic," the little Suzaku said, pulling the smaller Lelouch to his feet and dragging him furthering into the trees._

"_We'll be the soon. You can rest then." _

_Lelouch looked on, a silent spectator as the three children emerged from the woods into a large, open area filled with sunflowers._ 'I remember this. It was the first time Suzaku had shown us the sunflower field.'_ He smiled fondly. Some of his most prominent childhood memories had taken place in that very field._

_Soon, that memory began to fade and another took its place and another after that and so on._

_"But you must remember," the voice said, "that happiness is not all life holds. Especially yours, dear boy. You seem to have lost your way a long time ago."_

_Lelouch now stood in a garden. It was immensely large and beautifully kept; full of lush grasses and flowers of every variety. Off to the left stood a large villa where the owners of this marvelous garden no doubt lived._

'No!'_ Lelouch thought as he took in the scenery. _'Not again.'_ But all he could do was watch as a younger version of himself ran over to the scene. He had been playing with the young, fragile, but not yet immobile, Nunnaly._

"_I've got it Nunnaly!" the young Lelouch shouted, chasing after the ball he and his younger sister had been playing with. _

_Lelouch could only turn his head and silently wish that the younger him would turn and leave, but that was not how things had gone._

_The small Lelouch looked up when he heard the scream, and saw his mother falling from the third story balcony. All he could do was watch as her dress and hair billowed in the wind as if to act like a parachute, and she reached up for a hand or ledge to stop her fall, but there was none._

_There was a thud and the screams stopped. She landed in front of the rose bushes. Her hair and dress splayed out on the ground as blood began to pool, and her unseeing eyes stared blankly up into nothingness._

"_Mother?" inquired the young Lelouch, scared and knowing the sad fate of his mother. Her blood colored the once green grass a deep scarlet as it soaked into the ground, creeping closed and closer to his shoes, and Lelouch let out a loud cry for help._

"_What is it? Are you okay? Did something happen?" the young Nunnaly asked, running over to answer her brother's cry for help. _

"_No, Nunnaly. Stay there," young Lelouch said. Running over to meet his sister half way, he grabbed her hand and led her away from their mother's corpse._

"_We'll let the servants handle it." At that time he so badly wanted to cry. To sob and mourn their mother's untimely death, but he had to swallow it down and put on a mask for Nunnaly's sake. For if he started to cry, she would want to know the cause and it would only make matters worse. No, he would wait and tell her later, but first he needed to notify their father about the incident._

_Slowly, that memory began to fade._

**-XXX-**

When Lelouch awakened, a thin sheen of sweat had accumulated on his brow. He wiped it away and glanced at the clock that sat on the corner of his desk. It revealed that he had been asleep for all of two hours. He'd been very tired lately, and still felt as if he hadn't slept at all in days.

He stared at the journal that lay opened on the desk for several minutes before deciding to write down his dream. At least it was something to do. _'When I'm done I'll go visit Nunnaly. She may need fresh flowers anyway,' _he thought as the pen in his hand moved deftly over the paper.

**-XXX-**

Suzaku wouldn't deny that all throughout the student council meeting the only thing he could think about was Lelouch and what had happened that morning. He imagined it would be awkward when he walked into the dorm_. 'But, what if Lelouch acted like nothing happened? What should I do then? Maybe I should-'_

His thoughts were interrupted by a shout and a sound thump on the head, courtesy of Milly and her rolled up stack of papers.

"How many times do I have to tell you to pay attention?" she complained, hitting him across the head a few more times.

"Ow! Ow! Okay, okay! I'm sorry!" Suzaku shouted, trying to shield himself from the blows.

"Do you even know the purpose of this meeting?" Milly inquired, holding up the roll of papers threateningly.

"The Fall Festival that we're having next month?"

"Correct," Milly said, lowering the roll of papers. _'She even has the audacity to look upset,_' Suzaku thought.

After that, the meeting proceeded without any further distractions. _'Now that i think about it, what if Lelouch isn't there when I get back? Where does he go all of the time?'_ Suzaku though, tapping is lip with his pen before dismissing the thought. It was none of his business anyway.

* * *

**End Note**:_**thanks to those of you who havent given up on this story! i will definitely do better with the next chapter!  
I dont have a beta, so if you find any mistakes please pm me or let me know in a review.  
**_


	12. Last Encounter

_**A/N: this wasn't ready as soon as i'd expected, but it's on time never the less.**_

_**Thanks to those who reviewed!: **PXLight, sakurahanaalice, The Strike Freedom, pudding king, ToshiroFan1, and TheEmeraldEyedRaven_

_**Now, please enjoy the chapter.**  
_

* * *

_Chapter 12: Last Encounter  
_

V.V stared out the window as rain repeatedly struck it. Lightning lit up the horizon of the light gray sky and the echo of thunder boomed in the distance. He smirked.

"He'll be here today," V.V spoke to the seemingly empty room. "I can practically taste his soul. Full of despair and a longing for death, it's a shame that after today, it will be nothing but a memory." He licked his lips in anticipation. His gaze lingered on the reflection of another person in the window. A young girl in her teens looked apathetically at the boy.

"You're breaking your promise, you know," she stated, her tone devoid of any emotion.

The young boy tilted his head to the side, barely turning around and smiled teasingly.

"So are you," he replied offhandedly. Silence was the girl's reply. "You promised her you'd protect them. Am I right? And yet one is inevitably dead, and the other will soon follow in the wake of his dearest sister. Isn't it a shame that his desire shall bring about his demise?" His tone dripped with sarcasm and vague amusement, and it was evident that the boy, however young he seemed on the outside, in all his years, had witnessed many meet their end and was all too used to seeing others die with himself as the cause.

"Just be mindful of the fact that you'll have a death on your hands that isn't like all the others. He is you're nephew after all," said the girl tucking a tress of hair behind her ear. She turned and exited the room, her hair flowing behind her like a cape, and V.V threw his head back and laughed. It was empty and bitter, and the sinister sound filled the room, reverberating off of the walls and creating a resounding cacophony in the dark, empty quarters of the immortal blond. Yet it did nothing to ward off the loneliness, as the loud tap of rain beating against the building once again filled the room.

"Silly girl, promises are made to be broken, and besides, this wouldn't be the first time," he muttered to himself. _'The very essence of death surrounds me, and what a sweet scent it is.'_

**-XXX-**

Lelouch wiped his wet hair out of his eyes as he sloshed through the deep puddles created by the torrential rain. His clothes clung to him in an uncomfortably chafing manner as drop after drop of rain pelted his skin, leaving behind a slight stinging sensation; but he managed to ignore it as he made his way to V.V's shop. The storm had not been forecast in the weather report earlier, so he was, yet again, caught in the downpour unprepared.

'_It's not as if it matters, though,'_ Lelouch thought_, 'it will all be over soon anyway.'_ His bangs fell back into place, the rain causing them to adhere to his forehead, and he swiped them away again so he could get a better view of his surroundings and stumbled, nearly falling over before regaining his balance. His eyes were glazed over as if he wasn't completely there or had not yet awakened from a perpetual dream. Lelouch felt himself weakening as the lethargy slowly consumed his body, and he had to push himself to stay awake and keep walking. His heavy, wet clothes making his movements more sluggish.

He had been visiting V.V a lot lately, almost daily, and every time he felt himself get sleepier and less capable. It was wonder Suzaku hadn't noticed yet. He was almost to the point where he could barely walk on his own. This was one of the reasons that Lelouch hadn't attended his classes lately.

Any other person would have taken this weakness as a sign to stop going to the immortal's shop or at least regain their vitality before visiting again, but …why? Why should he stop when he had come so far? Today was the last day anyway, so why quit? He'd already justified his reasoning for his actions. He simply had to act as he'd intended, then it would only be a matter of time before he was reunited with his dear sister forever.

**-XXX-**

Suzaku stared at the clock. There was only another half hour until the meeting was over, but, really, could time pass any slower? Maybe it was because he had a feeling that Lelouch would do something stupid, and was, as a result, concerned for his best friend's well-being. Or maybe it was the fact that he had so much homework that he knew would take hours to complete without the usual aid of said friend, who hadn't been around to help him lately. However, it was the former that had pervaded his thoughts throughout most of the meeting.

Suzaku managed to rip his gaze away from the clock for all of five seconds before it wandered back, and he couldn't help but wonder if Lelouch would even be there when he got back.

**-XXX-**

Lelouch stood outside of the building, his hand hovering inches away from door handle as he stared at the door, and tried to decide if he should rethink his actions. _'No, I've come this far,_' he tried to reassure himself._ 'Everything that needs to be said is written in that journal. There shouldn't even be any doubt!'_ he thought, angry with himself. Hesitation would only make things harder. If he stopped to think about his friends or how much pain this would cause everyone, especially Suzaku, he would break, and he wouldn't be able to handle that. No, it was better to just go through with this.

Lelouch's internal battle continued until the door was jerked open and he was greeted by the young immortal blonde that resided in the building. It was then that Lelouch steeled his resolve and decided that he wouldn't back down. This was a fate he had set up for himself, and he wouldn't run away from it, no matter who he left behind.

**-XXX-**

"Welcome, Mr. Lamperouge," V.V greeted with a small and somewhat forced smile. Lelouch nodded his acknowledgement, muttering a curt greeting of his own before stepping into the dry, warm building.

As many times he had been inside this building, Lelouch still hadn't adjusted to it, and probably never would. The somber atmosphere that the building seemed to exude gave him feelings of trepidation. It felt almost as if the building wasn't what it seemed to be, like there were secrets that were known only by the owner.

Lelouch sighed. It didn't quite matter now, anyway? After today Lelouch would never step foot in this or any other building ever again.

For a moment Lelouch felt regret for not telling his friends or seeing them before he made this decision, but as soon as the thought was conjured, it was pushed to the back of his mind and ignored. Nothing would stop him from seeing Nunnaly again. Nothing; and if he had to give up his life and leave behind his friends and future, then so be it.

Lelouch took a deep breath to steady his rapidly pulsing heart as V.V unlocked the door to the room and stepped inside. At that moment he could help but wonder why it was always locked.

**-XXX-**

Suzaku looked at the clock_. 'Twenty more minutes left,'_ he thought glancing down at the half done stack of paper work on front of him. He sighed, wistfully.

"If you have time to stare at the clock, you should be able to finish that stack of paperwork in front of you, Suzaku," Milly chided.

"Oh, right. Sorry, Madam President." Suzaku stared down at the stack for a moment before he started to work, but he couldn't stop his gaze from flickering to the clock every few seconds. Milly noticed this and smiled a bit. She could tell he was worried about Lelouch, they all were.

'_Fifteen more minutes. Lelouch, please don't try anything stupid before I get back.' _Suzaku thought, and he wondered how it would look if he just got up and left right then.

**-XXX-**

Lelouch sat in the brown leather chair facing V.V. Water dripped from the tips of his hair, landing on his clothes and face.

"You are aware that –" V.V began.

"Yes I know," Lelouch said, cutting him off. V.V stared at him for a moment before nodding once.

"Shall I begin then?" Lelouch nodded. He closed his eyes and relaxed as he had many times before, preparing himself for what was to come.

**-XXX-**

It took a while, but the meeting had finally ended. Suzaku was the first to leave, snatching up his bag and sprinting for the dorms. '_Lelouch, please be there, please be there,'_ he repeated in his head.

When Suzaku arrived at the room he shared with Lelouch, he flung the door open. The resounding bang caused by the door slamming into the wall created a harsh dissonance that filled the room, and he was greeted with emptiness. A quick scan over the room determined it was indeed vacant. The only evidence that anyone had even been in the room that day was the small purple journal that Shirley had given to Lelouch. It was sitting out on Lelouch's desk opened to a page somewhere in the middle. Upon further inspection, it seemed that Lelouch had actually written in it, quite a bit, in fact.

Suzaku's gaze lingered on the journal for a few seconds before he picked it up and stuffed it into his messenger bag. With that, he snatched up an umbrella and dashed out of the room in search of Lelouch. Though he had only gotten a glimpse of what was written in the journal before he closed it, Suzaku knew that something bad was going to happen. He could only hope he wasn't too late.

Outside, lightning struck, thunder boomed, and somewhere in the city, a boy gave up his life.

-XXX-

_They stood in the old sunflower field. A place they had spent countless hours as children, playing and laughing in. the flowers swayed in a slight breeze, and in the middle of the field there were two people. One sitting in a wheelchair with long auburn hair and lavender eyes, a girl around the age of fourteen. The other stood tall with short ebony hair and eyes the color of amethyst, a young man around the age of seventeen._

"_Nunnaly,-" Lelouch said, but he was cut off._

"_Lelouch," her voice was hesitant, "you shouldn't have done this." Tears were welling up in her eyes, and for a moment Lelouch was confused._

"_What do you mean? Now you won't have to be alone. I made a promise to protect you, Nunnaly, even in death." She simply shook her head sadly, a tear escaping down her cheek._

"_I didn't want this, Lelouch," she said, her voice heavy and breaking because she had already started to cry. "I don't want you to die because you think you have to protect me and keep me company."_

"_But, Nunnaly –"_

"_I was satisfied with just watching you continue living. I want to see you live out your life and have a future. I told you before that you would be okay without me -."_

"_Well you were wrong!" Lelouch interjected, his fists clenched at his sides. "Ever since you died the only thing I've felt was regret and sadness! Nunnaly, if you're not there, what is there for me?" She looked into his eyes, holding his gaze before speaking. _

"_A future,." She answered. "A future awaits you, and Suzaku. He's there, waiting for you, searching for you. In all of your grief, you've lost sight of all of the important things in life, and Lelouch, Suzaku is a dear friend. Please don't leave him behind. You keep each other sane. If you were to die, what would happen to him? So please, Lelouch, only one of us will get to live out our lives. I'm not asking for too much, I don't think. I just want to watch my big brother live a happy life. Please, Lelouch. Think of it as a last request."_

"_Nunnaly… I-I'm sorry… about all of the times I lied to you. I knew it wasn't true. I knew you would never get better, even so… even so…" There they were. The inevitable tears that Lelouch had been trying to hold back were flowing unstoppably, and the warmth of an embrace engulfed him._

"_Nunnaly, I'll live for you." She nodded, her own tears wetting the front of Lelouch's shirt._

"_There's one more thing." She stated hesitantly, clearing her voice and wiping away most of her tears. "Please don't come here again."_

"_Nunnaly… I can't-"_

"_Yes, you can. Even if you can't see me, I'll always be watching over you, and I will live on in your heart and your memories, so promise me that you won't." Lelouch nodded ad Nunnaly slowly began to disappear. She looked up at him and smiled through her tears as bright and effervescent as when she was alive._

"_Oh, and thanks for the flowers, Lelouch, but maybe it's time to choose a different kind."*_

_Only her voice lingering, as the rest of her body had completely disappeared, and, soon that faded away also._

"_Nunnaly… I'll never forget your smile."  
_

* * *

_**End Note: * Nunnaly is referring to the crimson rose, which symbolizes mourning. In a way, she's telling him it's time to move on.  
**_

_** i hope that this can hold you until i update the next chapter. If you noticed nay grammatical errors please let me know in either a review or a pm, and if you feel like it, I would like to now how you think this will end. Only one or two chapters left.**  
_


	13. Disintegrate

_**A/N:** **wow, i updated a bit early. What's gonna happen?**_

_**Anyway, thanks to those that reviewed my last chapter:** TheEmeraldEyedRaven, The Strike Freedom, and PXLight!_

_**Now, without further ado, please enjoy the chapter!  
**_

* * *

_Chapter 13: Disintegrate_

Before V.V could even acknowledge what was happening, he had been pushed onto the ground. Lelouch had already opened the door and run, using most of what little strength of his remained to get out of the room and away from the building. He wasn't sure where he was going at the time. His mind was still in a drowsy haze, his senses dulled, but, as far as Lelouch new, he was still standing in the sunflower field confused and alone as the unconscious movements of his body carried him to another location.

A slightly baffled V.V stood from his position on the ground. Silently patting and swiping away nonexistent dirt and dust from his clothes, he grinned smugly. _'It's too late.'_

**-XXX-**

Lelouch felt as if he was in a dream, as if the events of the past month had happened, but also had not, and he wondered how he'd woken up soaking wet laying on the grass in front of his sister's headstone crying. His tears mixing in the rain and soaking into the awaiting soil, and he couldn't understand_ why_.

It was time to move on. She'd died over a month ago, yet…, it still hurt, and the pain made him want to curl in on himself and cry until it had all gone away. Until they were back in the sunflower field laughing and playing and simply enjoying life, all three of them; because that's the way it should have been. They never should have faced the sorrow they'd encountered, the betrayal, the hopelessness. But in the end, those days had passed, and no matter how much he yearned for that time, the joyful days of his childhood had already gone by, and they would never return just like so many other things in Lelouch's life. Only memories remained, and even those could still only go so far.

The rain was cold and unforgiving and every drop stung his cheek as the wind whipped his hair. '_How had this happened?_' he thought. Had he really deserved this? Lelouch desired the peace that accompanied death, but he'd made a promise. A promise to live and he wouldn't lie to his little sister anymore. If only things could go back to the way they were.

His vision was hazy and the fatigue was slowly engulfing him. Lelouch didn't have the strength to sit up, let alone stand, so he lay there, cold and wet.

The sudden relent of the rain was only barely registered in Lelouch's mind before he realized that the rain had, indeed, not stopped at all. No, the gray sky still flashed with lightning and boomed with thunder, and he could still hear the rain as it struck the ground and the surrounding gravestones. Using the last of his strength, Lelouch looked up and saw Suzaku. He stood over Lelouch sheltering him from the rain; half soaked himself with the umbrella in one hand and tears in his eyes. Or was it water?

Lelouch wanted to reach out to him, to tell him he was sorry, that he hadn't meant to worry him, but his strength had waned to practically nothing, and sleep was calling out to him in a voice louder than that of his own that only wished to speak to Suzaku. Lelouch was falling, albeit slowly, into a deep unconsciousness, but he decided that if Suzaku was there, it was okay to let go, if only for a little while, and he fell into a dreamland filled with sunflower fields, laughter, and a desire to go back.

**-XXX-**

The very first place Suzaku thought to look for Lelouch was the cemetery. He wasn't sure why, but it seemed that that was the only place Lelouch ever went outside of their dorm. He rarely attended classes anymore.

Because of this, it didn't come as too much of a surprise when Suzaku finally found Nunnaly's headstone and saw that Lelouch was laying in front of it. His eyes red from crying and looking as if he had to fight to stay awake._ I'm sorry. _Those words flashed through Suzaku's mind, a portion of what he had glimpsed when he'd grabbed the journal earlier.

When Lelouch suddenly went limp, Suzaku panicked. When he picked up his unconscious friend, he was surprised by how light he was and how cold his skin felt. Carefully draping him over his shoulder and holding the umbrella over him, Suzaku took off running. He had to get him to a hospital.

**-XXX-**

_It was dark. So very dark that not even the smallest sliver of light could be seen and every sound was amplified by the emptiness. Lelouch's soft, heavy breaths cut through the silence like a knife, as he waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. They never did._

"_I never thought you of all people would take the coward's way out, Lelouch." A voice echoed from the unseen distance. It sounded familiar; almost like… C.C? "You tried to run away from reality because things weren't going your way. I'm disappointed to say the least." Yes, it had to be her, painfully blunt and to the point as always, but Lelouch made no effort to respond._

"_As long as I've watched you, I would have thought you'd do something about it, take action, but instead you shriveled up and cried. Really, you are quite pitiful." He could hear the slight distaste I her voice. It was apparent that whatever he had done Had caused her to become upset with him. He just wasn't sure what it was she was angry about. "Why didn't you use the power I gave you? It's lain dormant for quite some time. You have it for a reason, you know."_

'_What power?' Lelouch thought._

"_Your geass, of course. The power that got you into this mess, the power that got you so far, the power that killed your mother, and the power that erased and replaced your and everyone else's memories so that you and Nunnaly could live normal everyday lives; but tell me, Lelouch, what is normal?"_

_Lelouch's eyes widened and he gasped, but it went either unnoticed or unheeded by C.C._

"_I'm getting tired of playing these games, Lelouch. It's time you fulfilled our contract. You promised, you know."_

_And suddenly, C.C stood before him, her golden eyes glowing as she stared him apathetically in the eye. He didn't want this. Lelouch took a step back as she approached, a gun at her side that she held out for him to take._

"_Go on, take it. It's the same gun that you've used to kill so many. Shoot me already, Lelouch. Let's end this charade." Lelouch stepped back again, slowly shaking his head. He wouldn't do it, he couldn't. He didn't ask for this. He'd only wanted to live peacefully with Nunnaly for what little time she'd had left. With no war or royal family or rebellion to worry about._

"_You said that if I could create an alternate reality within C's World for your sister to live out the remainder of her life then you would kill me and take on the curse of immortality. You promised, Lelouch, and I won't let you go back on your word this time!" There was anger behind her words, and that was the first time she had showed any real emotion other that amusement or apathy._

"_Your cause is a lost one Lelouch. The second this world evaporates, the second you let go of the illusion that you've created, will be the moment reality come crashing down on you. You will lose motivation as Zero seeing as Nunnaly's dead, and the world will return to the ruined state it was in before you tried to save it, but some things will not change. Nunnaly will still be dead, Shirley, your mother, Clovis, Euphemia, Rolo and all of the innocents that died for your cause will still be dead and have died in vain, and Suzaku will still hate you. Right now, he does not remember anything that you've done to him. He doesn't remember the things you've taken away from him, but the moment this illusion perishes, everything will go back to the way it was and you know this."_

_Slowly, images and memories started to flow into Lelouch, and he stood there shaking his head and sobbing silently as he tried to block out what C.C was saying._

"_It doesn't matter how much you reject it. Somewhere deep in your subconscious, you know that what I'm saying is true. You've grown so weak, Lelouch." She approached him once more, holding out the gun. "Now shoot me, and be done with it so that we may go our separate ways._

"_No!" Lelouch shouted, slapping the gun out her hand. He refused to let go of this. It was how his life could have been if he hadn't been born royalty, if Britannia had never invaded Japan, Suzaku had never joined the army, and he'd never become Zero._

_In this world every dead person was alive with the exception of Nunnaly for whom this world was created. He and Suzaku were still friends, and for that he would never give up the fragile balance of this illusionary life. Even if it wasn't perfect, it was as close to normal as Lelouch would get, and he would hold onto it until the very end. Besides, the illusion wouldn't cease until he willed it to do so._

"_Lelouch…" C.C's eyes softened to something akin to warmth. Lelouch had held it in for a long time, his emotions, the tears, but in the end he was still human and oh, so fragile, and he'd grown on her. She withdrew, slowly dissipating into the darkness._

"_Don't forget, Lelouch," she whispered, reaching out to lightly caress his cheek, "You can only run for so long." _

_It was sad really, that he was so desperate for happiness that he could fill his head with lies and still be content because it was something that he rarely experienced._

_After that the darkness once again closed in on Lelouch and he was alone.(1)*_

**-XXX-**

Lelouch came to in a hospital with Suzaku sitting in a chair beside his bed sleeping. The image evoked a chuckle from him, and he wondered how they could ever be enemies._ 'It was a dream though. A dream. What she... What C.C said couldn't have been true, could it?,_' Lelouch thought, staring wistfully at Suzaku's sleeping figure. Even now, he still remembered the images that had flowed into his mind. The blood, the betrayal, all of it was too much or him to take. How had he come up with something so preposterous? He had never made any kind of contract or killed anyone before, but could it be true that there's another him in another parallel world that had experienced all of the things he'd seen? For now, he just wanted to forget, to take comfort in the fact that even though Nunnaly was gone, Suzaku was still there. Maybe, he could get over this in time as long as Suzaku was by his side. Finding solace in that, Lelouch calmed, eventually able to ignore the part of his mind that still focused on the dream.

The room was dimly lit, and from the window, Lelouch could see that the sky had cleared up, but the moon was out, shining beautifully in all of its celestial glory, and Lelouch realized that he must have been out for a while. He checked the digital clock that sat on the nightstand beside him and saw that it was around ten o'clock as night.

He sighed, his gaze wandering lazily around the room, taking in details but at the same time looking for something interesting to settle on. And it ended up on Suzaku's messenger bag that lay on the round at the foot of the bed. He noticed his journal sticking out of the side and grinned wryly. The idiot had always been curious. He had half a mind to take it back, but instead Lelouch let it be. They could talk tomorrow. For now, all Lelouch wanted to do was rest, and it wasn't long before he had fallen back into the mysterious darkness that sleep brought with it.

_"You can feel it, can't you?"_ a voice echoed through Lelouch's subconsciousness, "_You don't have much time left."_ And he knew this was true.

* * *

End Note:**_ (1)* for the record, i intended for that to only be a dream._**

**_ i wrote Lelouch's dream as it came to me the other day, and i really didn't want to change it cuz it makes up about half the chapter. so... i would tell you not to think much of it, but i would have liked for that to be the actual twist. the thing is, i only just came up with it, so no hints have been dropped in earlier chapters. if only i'd thought of i earlier! but i may use it in the next chapter, which will almost certainly be the final chapter._**

**_i hope you will review and tell me your opinion of this chapter. i would really appreciate it!  
_**


	14. Long Forgotten Memories

**A/N: well. i'm not sure if this what you guys were looking for, but here you go. i wont delay you with excuses, but im sorry it took me so long.****  
Thanks to:**_Alice, TheEmeraldEyedRaven, and The Strike Freedom_ **for reviewing.  
Now without further ado, please enjoy the chapter.  
**

* * *

_Chapter 14: Long Forgotten Memories_

_It started out innocent, as many things do, but all innocence is turned evil at some point. This, however, was worse than evil._

"_Those of you who call yourselves Japanese, I have a favor to ask. Could you all die please?" The sweet voice of a young pink hair girl echoed throughout the large stadium. She had lilac eyes and wore a pink and white dress that hugged her torso and exploded at the waste, flowing down to her feet. In her right hand she held a gun. The crowd stared at her, surprised and unsure of the meaning behind the princess's words. "Um… I was hoping you all would just commit suicide, but you can't, can you? Okay soldiers, please kill the Japanese. Kill them all." _

_A man in a black masked who called himself Zero rushed onto the stage on which the young girl stood._

"_Euphie, no!" he cried, but his words fell on deaf ears as guards put out their weapons to block him from approaching the princess. A shot rang out, and a man in the audience slumped over dead. That was all it took for the once innocent idea of a peaceful princess to turn into pure chaos and pandemonium. The citizens in the audience screamed and tried to run as giant robots called Knightmares started to move out, opening fire on the people. Blood and carnage stained and spattered everything. Corpses were trampled and crushed as the living attempted to escape. _

_He tried to stop her. He honestly did, that Zero character, but he was unable to call off the command he had given. _

_The cries of an infant rang out, only to be silenced by a gunshot. None were to be spared._

_Euphemia stood in the center of the madness, shoot in every direction. Zero had already escaped to his Knightmare in an attempt to find and stop her. Her knight, none other than Suzaku, also searched for his princess. For better or worse, Zero found her first. Exiting his Knightmare, the young man approached the princess. At the sound of footsteps, she turned around, gun ready after having just reloaded it._

"_Oh," she says, somewhat startled, but lowering her gun, "I thought you were one of _them_. So, I was thinking we could run the Specially Administrated Zone of Japan together. Oh, wait.. Japan?"_

"_Yes," says the masked figure in a voice astonishingly similar to Lelouch's, "I would've like that. You and I together." He pulls out a gun and shoots the young girl without hesitation._

_Suzaku having finally located his beloved, can only watch helplessly from his seat in his Knightmare as the bullet tears through her, mortally injuring the girl. Letting out a fierce scream, he dives for the ground swooping up the battered princess in her blood stained, torn dress and flies away with her. Suzaku hopes upon hope that young princess can be salvaged, but deep in his subconscious, he knows it too late but is unable to grasp that. He wants her to live. He loves her._

_Lelouch can only watch as the entire scene plays out. _'This… this is my fault?'_ he thinks in terror. '_All of this happened because of that dreadful power C.C gave me.'_ And suddenly he is filled with rage. Rage and disgust, and even jealousy because he can't understand why Suzaku cares so much about his supposed half-sister when his best friend has always been beside him._

_The blood and corpses that lay battered, beaten and shot cover the floor of stadium as the royal Knighmares move out of the stadium to continue their massacre in the city. Zero sends out the Black Knights to counter them and does the most despicable thing Lelouch has ever witnessed. He takes credit for what has happened. He tells them Euphemia has turned against them and it was all a cowardly plan conceived by the empire. For a moment, Lelouch hates him. He truly hates his other self for using the situation to his advantage._

_The surroundings soon begin to fade, and Lelouch now stands in a hospital room where Euphemia lays. Suzaku sits beside her clutching almost desperately at his knight pin._

"_Suzaku," Euphie says._

"_Euphie." The tank covering her is lifted. "Euphie, I have to know… why did you issue that order at the stadium?"_

" _Order? What are you talking about? Never mind that. Suzaku, you're Japanese aren't you?" The red rims around her irises shine as she comes to that realization. _'I must kill him.'_ But she fights it back, refusing to kill the one she loves. "Suzaku…" She closes her eyes, repelling the terrible spell that has been placed on her._

"_Yes, Euphie?"_

"_The ceremony, did it go alright?" she asks hopefully._

"_Euphie, don't you remember…" Suzaku asks in surprise, but somehow, he can't bring it upon himself to tell her the truth. So he lies and tells her what she wants to hear._

"_How about everyone that was there? Are the Japanese happy?" Suzaku only stares tears welling in his eyes. Not an hour ago was she the lively, peaceful, high spirited girl that he had come to know and love. Now she was almost a corpse, lying in front of him dying while Suzaku could only watch and hope and regret. "How was the ceremony? Do you think I did…okay?_

"_Euphie, the Special Zone is…" His eyes well up with tears, and Lelouch watches him lie, nothing but an unseen spectator to the scene. Euphie gazes at him, obviously worried, and Suzaku trembles as he swallows down his tears and forces himself to smile. "It was a great success. The Japanese people were given back their home, and you did it." His façade wavers, but the princess doesn't notice. _

"_Oh, thank god." She briefly closes her eyes and breathes a sigh of relief, and Suzaku only sits, barely holding back his sobs. "How strange," she mutters, "I can't see… your face anymore." Suzaku's expression drops, and he grits his teeth, but the tears escape one by one, streaming down his cheeks. Euphie shakily extends one extremely paled hand out and Suzaku grasps it in his own two. _'It's so cold'_ he thinks._

"_Keep going…to school," Euphie says. "I had to stop before I…" She has trouble forcing out the words as her body begins to shut down. "…before I had the chance to finish." She knows she won't live much longer, but Suzaku refuses to give up on her. He loves her._

"_Euphie, you can still go yourself," he tries to convince her, and there's no stopping the tears that now flow freely. "I know. Why don't we go to Ashford together? The student council is so much fun. Euphie…" He clutches her hand more tightly and bows his head as sobs escape. He won't let his princess leave him. _

"_You have to do it… for me…kay?" Her eyes start to close as death beckons her. _

"_Please, Euphie! No! don't go!"_

"_Suzaku… I'm so happy… that we…" Her head lolls back and the unfinished sentence hangs in the still air as the heart monitor's shrill sound fills the room. Doctors rush into the room and Suzaku has to be forcefully dragged away from Euphemia because there's no way a knight would willingly leave the side of his princess. His cries of Euphie fall on deaf ears as he is escorted from the room._

X-x-X

Lelouch woke with a jolt. Tears ran down his cheeks and he glanced at the bed across from his own where Suzaku slept soundly. Lelouch's face and back were cold with sweat and he quickly got up and rushed to the bathroom. Once inside, he slammed the door shut and locked it. Leaning against it, he slid down to sit on the floor. He recalled the images of the corpses and the Knightmares slaughtering the Japanese people, and felt nauseated. His stomach lurched at the very memory of all of the blood and Lelouch scurried over to the toilet to vomit. Breathing deeply he sat back, and used the edge of the sink to stand. Shakily he turned on the faucet and washed his face. Water splashed and dripped everywhere and he stared at himself in the mirror.

He was trembling, and it was almost surprising how much his body had emaciated. His amethyst eyes had bags underneath them that took a bit away from their usual stunning. He reached up and ghosted his thin, pale fingers over his left eye where the Geass should supposedly be. It started to itch, as if something was trying to dig itself out from beneath the surface. Quickly, he snatched his hand away. realizing his actions, he chuckled at his paranoia. it was probably just his contacts acting uo since he had fallen asleep in them. _'No wonder Suzaku worries over me so much. Suzaku…'_ He recalls Suzaku's sobs, the obvious distress he was in. It was as if he had taken away the last person Suzaku cared for. Not only that, but Lelouch failed to understand Suzaku's feeling for the girl. it enraged him for reasons he couldn't define. '_Have I really caused that much pain and destruction?' _Angrily, he raised his clenched fist to punch the mirror, but instead dropped it and leaned heavily against the sink. Letting out an exhausted sigh, Lelouch stared down past the sink as if he were hypnotized.

It hadn't been the first time he'd dreamt of his "past." He'd had many dreams like that before. Almost every night, in fact, since he'd been released from the hospital months ago; and while some of them were a tender reminder of the fun he'd had before, others were more brutal as the one he'd just dreamt. If anything, they were the reason for the bags beneath his eyes and his loss of appetite. He would never tell the others that, though.

Tired and stressed, Lelouch removed his clothes and stepped into the shower. He used that time to rethink his dreams. The warm water calmed him, and soon his trembling was no more than the occasional shiver_. 'I can see why I would want to live normally if my life was that tumultuous, but… why don't I remember?' _He pondered this for a while before turning off the water and stepping out. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he exited the room, steam escaping through the open door. He glanced once more at the sleeping figure, but quickly looked away. Lelouch couldn't look at Suzaku right now. Not after the dream that he just had. How much suffering had he caused his supposed best friend?

**X-x-X**

The beeping of the alarm was shrill and unwelcome. Lelouch tossed in his sleep and threw the blankets over his head in an attempt to both ignore the alarm and shield himself from the dreadful sunlight that invaded the room. Suzaku must have opened the blinds.

All too suddenly, the blanket Lelouch had so strategically placed to protect him from the ruthlessness of the sun was removed, and he was blinded by the brightness of the room. He rolled over in retaliation and hid his face in his pillow. It wasn't just the sun, though. He still couldn't look at Suzaku without remembering his dream.

"Are you going to school today?" Suzaku said, poking Lelouch in the side and causing him to flinch. He hated that and Suzaku knew it. Lelouch shook his head, and Suzaku sighed.

"You're going to have to go someday, but if you don't feel well there's nothing I can do about it…" With that Suzaku threw the covers back onto Lelouch and proceeded with his daily preparation for school. It wasn't long before Suzaku left.

As soon as the door shut, Lelouch slowly removed the comforter from his head and sat up. Once his eyes adjusted, he crawled out of bed and sat at his desk. Opening up his laptop, he saw a memo that said he'd gotten one new email. The message, concise yet full of meaning, read, "Time is of the essence. Don't waste it." Angrily, Lelouch slammed his laptop shut and stood. He instead, walked over to the stove and put on some tea. That would calm his nerves and only then would he be able to get done what he needed to. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

**_End note:_**_** i really am sorry this took so long. it wasn't intentional. thanks to all of you who have stayed with the story even though im so terrible. I hope you liked it and that it's worthy of a review.**_  
**_Nunnaly wont be mentioned as much since the plot has sort of morphed into something that even i didnt see coming, and if the writing style has changed, i apologize. please bear with me._**


	15. Geass Awakening

_**A/N: so, there's not much to say, but i do hope this all makes sense to you. i wont hold you up any longer. here's the chapter i promised you. ugh, school tomorrow.**_

* * *

_Chapter 14: Awakening_

"Euphemia." The name rolled off of his tongue, a brief but terrible reminder of his sins and the pain he had caused. Suzaku looked at Lelouch and quirked an eyebrow.

"What?" he asked, his focus now on the raven-haired boy. He hesitated before answering, wondering if Suzaku would hate him again if he told him of the tragedy behind that name and how they were connected.

"Euphemia… li Britannia," Lelouch repeated. His reluctance was obvious, but Suzaku's obliviousness eased his concern. He didn't seem to remember, and that was good.

"Who is that?" Suzaku asked. Lelouch let out a sigh of relief. It would be alright for the time being, but he was curious as to how much he was unaware of.

"The name… it doesn't ring a bell?" he inquired, silently pleading that the answer be negative.

Suzaku's brow creased just the slightest and he thought back, carefully shuffling through his memory, and came across an extremely hazy image of a girl. He couldn't make out any small details, but she seemed to have light pink hair and wore a white dress that billowed in the wind of the meadow she stood in. He couldn't see anything else.

"What… what did she look like?" Suzaku asked, a curiosity welling inside him as to who the woman was.

"That's not important if you don't know who I'm talking about…" Lelouch replied.

"Yeah, but… I think I may know who you're talking about. The image is in my head, it's just really blurry. Just tell me what she looks like," Suzaku insisted.

Lelouch started. His brow creased slightly and his posture became a bit more rigid as if he had suddenly been put o edge, and he was. A silence ensued.

"Lelouch."

"I don't exactly remember what she looked like. All that comes to mind is the name," Lelouch replied.

"Well… did she have pink hair?"

"I wouldn't—" The lunch bell rang cut him off, and Lelouch had never been more relieved to hear that annoying tone. He stood, grabbing his bag and simply left without a word. Suzaku stared after him in mild confusion, but he knew he was onto something important and he wouldn't let the subject slip next time he saw him.

-XXX-

The rest of the school day continued without a hitch. Class was boring, as per usual. The lectures, the assignments, and any and everything else they did was just killing brain cells. To be in the establishment at all was a waste; for Lelouch, at least.

The sky, however, proved quite interesting when boredom consumed your mind, and Lelouch amused himself with that. How the sky and the ground met on the horizon, yet seemed to continued unto forever. It was astounding. Funny how the simplest things can be the most fascinating.

The instructor didn't seem to at all notice that most of the class was asleep or with their phones, but perhaps he was just too enraptured by his textbook. It was also possible that he didn't care. History could be an interesting subject, if you cared.

"Don't forget that your essays—' the dismissal bell rang, cutting him off as the students gathered their belongings and departed. Barely a minute had passed before the room was vacated.

**-XXX-**

Lelouch's head pulsed softly, the beginnings of a headache. He gathered his things, the dismissal bell having already rung, and headed back to his dorm to rest up and complete his assignments for the day.

The brightness of the sun effected Lelouch as soon as he stepped out of the school building. He hadn't even descended the stairs when he dropped his bag, and fell to his knees, the pulsing quickly becoming an excruciatingly painful migraine. He shut his eyes and clutched at his forehead, doing everything in his power to quell the sudden pain, but the ache only intensified; quickly escalating from a rough pounding sensation to the feel of someone raking talons up and down the inside of his skull, scraping up flesh and disturbing his thought process. His left eye throbbed and itched relentlessly, and the strength had all but drained from his legs. His left eye was bloodshot and tears of blood poured out of it while the other remained normal. He felt as if something were trying to tear its way out.

A crowd of onlookers had developed, and a concerned whisper spread through the group.

"Should I call the ambulance?" one girl asked, phone in hand. She stared in horror at Lelouch, and clutched at her skirt in trepidation.

"Lelouch! Lelouch!" he could hear someone far away shouting his name. 'Nunnaly?' was his last coherent thought before he passed out.

_**-XXX-**_

_A flash of golden eyes and the silhouette of the only girl with green hair that Lelouch had ever known. C.C._

"_Lelouch." Her voice was angry yet concerned. Another unusual display of emotion. "You have to dissolve this illusion. The allotted time expired when Nunnaly died, and it's thriving off of your willpower and desire for it to remain. Even if you don't the illusion will slowly begin to fade. The people who are dead will disappear, memories will slowly return. Either way you'll be returned to your world."_

_Lelouch clenched his fists and felt something cold and heavy in his right hand. The gun._

"_Shoot me," C.C insisted, but Lelouch could only stare at her in disbelief and mild anger. "Lelouch," her voice was calm yet livid, "take my immortality and return to your world. You'll need it to complete the Zero Requiem. All those lives you stole… you did it for a reason. It wasn't just for Nunnaly. You were going to change the world. You're to save millions of lives—"_

"_And at what cost!?" Lelouch barked at her. He looked away in disgust. With himself, the world, society. He was sick of it all. "At what cost?"_

"_The end justifies the means," C.C said casually, all emotion now drained from her words. _

"_Is that what you say? What I say?" He let out a bitter laugh. "What if those means involve the death of thousands of innocents?"_

"_You cannot undo what has been done."_

"_Then what about this?!" he gestured wildly about, referring to the world she had created._

"_This is a mere illusion I've created within C's World. You and your world have merely entered a temporary frozen state of comatose, and the moment you uplift it will be the moment your life continues as it should. But before that can happen, you must kill me. No matter how long you maintain this world, your people will continue to suffer. You are the only one who can be satisfied with such false happiness."_

_He felt a hand grasp his, and the gun was brought up to C.C's forehead._

"_All you have to do is pull the trigger," she said, pushing his finger onto the trigger button. A shot exploded from the gun, and he heard the sick thunk as it plunged itself into C.C's head; felt her blood spray onto him. He heard her body fall, yet he knew that it wasn't over. She had made him do it, and because of that, she was not dead. Lelouch would have to pull it himself._

"_I won't do it. I won't leave Nunnaly."_

"_Nunnaly is dead." The statement was firm. A truth that Lelouch had only just begun acknowledged, and it stung. A silence hung in the air. "I have reawakened your power. Should you want to return to your reality, look into a mirror and simply command yourself to remember." Her voice echoed through the still air even though her body had disappeared._

-XXX-

Lelouch's eyes flitted open. He scanned the room to find that he was in the school infirmary. The blood that had previously leaked from his left eye had been cleaned up, and his eye had returned to normal though the itching sensation had not yet fully diminished. A dull throb in his left temple was all that remained of the violent migraine.

"Are you alright?" Suzaku asked. He sat on the bed beside Lelouch's a look of deep concern creasing his brow. Lelouch nodded, sitting up slowly. He brought his left hand up to touch his eye. 'the eye in which the Geass dwells,' his memory supplied. He closed his eyes in deep thought.

"Lelouch?"

"I'm fine," he replied, opening his eyes. The itching sensation had ceased entirely. Suzaku nodded. He glanced down at is hands then back up at Lelouch, a new determination in his eyes.

"Lelouch, I want you to tell me who Euphemia is," the brunette demanded. A silence ensued. Lelouch averted his gaze, hand clutching the sheet he was covered with.

Afternoon sun streamed in through the large window on the far wall, making the barren room brighter than usual. They could hear the conversations of their peers outside.

"I cant…" he replied quietly.

'Lelouch!" Suzaku insisted vehemently.

"I can't, Suzaku," Lelouch said sternly. His tone left no room for argument, and yet…

"You know you can. You're just not willing." He sighed. "_Stop keeping secrets_, Lelouch."

"I'm not—"

"Yes! You are! Do you think I'm an idiot?! Did you think I didn't notice?! You're loss of appetite, how lethargic you've become. And did you know? Sometimes you fall asleep before me, and I hear what you mutter in your sleep. Things about a rebellion and killing and going back to "reality." What is that? Explai—'

"A dream."

"What?"

"It's all just a dream." Their eyes met. "So forget about it." Suzaku froze, a blank look on his face. His eyes, rimmed with a glowing magenta*, seemed to be staring of into some faraway place.

"Fine," he said, letting the subject go all too easily. Lelouch looked at the brunette, perplexed by what had just happened.

"Your geasss holds the power of absolute control," C.C's voice echoed from the back of his mind. 'So this… this is geass." He thought, and suddenly he had the overwhelming urge to gouge our his left eye and end it there. The tyranny. The struggle for dominance. Geass. All of it. Instead, however, his hand came up to rest on his eye and he laughed. A hollow, bitter laugh resounded from his mouth.

* * *

End Note- well i hope this chapter wasnt as horrible as i think and that its worthy of a review.

*-i kno lelouch already used his geass on suzaku to make him live, but i figured that its my story so i made it so that the geass would work because the original use of it had been wiped from his memory.


End file.
